


Fuck StarFleet The Gays Are Taking Control Of The Enterprise

by MarchForOurGays



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: And I Honestly Couldn't Care Less, And the Elders are all besties except for Archer who's just plain authoritative, Angst and Humor, Archer Can SUCK IT, Especially Sarek and Spock, Fluff and Crack, GAYS ON THE ENTERPRISE, Have fun in Hell with me, I'm Going to Hell, KIRK PRIME RETURNS, Mpreg, Multi, NO HATING ON T'PRINGLES SHE IS A BOSS ASS BITCH, Non-Binary Carol, Non-binary Scotty, Pining Jim and Spock for a few chapters, Protect my smol children at all costs, SPOCK'S BABY VIDEOS, Sexual Humor, Spock Is So Done With Everyone, Spock and Sarek have the best Father- Son relationship EVER, Spock is sassy As Fuck And We All Love Him For It, Spock is wild and everyone knows it, THIS FIC IS A MESS SOMEONE HELP ME, Texting, The Elders are the parental figures we all need in our lives, Uhura Bones and Scotty are like poly relationship GOALS, everyone's a little shit, now that's a clickbait tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 02:32:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7826809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarchForOurGays/pseuds/MarchForOurGays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imsofuckingdone: why does the Romulan Ambassador have to be a woman.... and not only a woman but a woman that flirts with me </p><p> </p><p>ifuckgurls: say you're gay it's that easy...</p><p> </p><p>Imsofuckingdone: I HAVE.... MULTIPLE TIMES EVEN.....</p><p> </p><p>prettyboy: CAN SHE NOT TAKE A FUCKING HINT I MEAN HELLO YOU HAVE A RING ON YOUR FINGER!!!</p><p> </p><p>ihaveagayvulcan: the Klingon Ambassador has now threatened to eat me no less than three times fml</p><p> </p><p>pointyearedbastard: there is a reason that Klingons, Romulans, and Vulcans don't get along AT ALL with eachother...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Really Spock?! (Or) The Parents Are So Done

**Author's Note:**

> ALRIGHTY THEN LET'S GET STARTED WITH A GAYS TAKING OVER THE ENTERPRISE TEXTING FIC!!! FIRST LET'S SORT OUT THE NAMES YES?
> 
> Jim: prettyboy
> 
> Spock: STS/ Imsofuckingdone 
> 
> Bones: hypowieldingmaniac
> 
> Nyota: klingonqween 
> 
> Scotty:madpersonwithawrench
> 
> Sulu: plantsandfencing
> 
> Chekov: boygenius
> 
> Pike: marcusisaprick
> 
> Spock Prime: pointyearedbastard
> 
> Sarek: ihaveagayvulcan
> 
> MORE NAMES TO COME I PROMISE NOW HERE COMES OUR FAVORITE GAYS IN SPACE ON A STARSHIP THAT THEY'RE TAKING OVER!!! HAVE FUN <3

_You have entered the group:_   **'** **FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 

 **prettyboy:** oh my god fuck why am i so hungover what tf happened last night? 

****

**STS:** You were highly intoxicated Capitan, as was the rest of the senior bridge crew...

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** for the love of fucking god stop texting in the gc so early i really dont want Nyota or Scotty to wake up, you've seen how cranky they both get when they're hungover

 

 **klingonqween:** already up honey

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** same

 

 **prettyboy:** do any of u remember what happened last night? and Spock change your username its rlly crappy i know u can do better than your initials and for the love of fcuk stop calling me Capitan its Jim rn Spock

 

 **STS:** Very well Jim, my memory is mostly fuzzy from events regarding last night, and I shall think of a suitable username that will fit your "high standards"

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** wait, you're saying your hunogver too?! because if you said that your memory is fuzzy than you must have gotten drunk last night as well, how are you feeling you pointy eared bastard?

 

 **STS:** physically I feel drained, and I have a slight headache and a sore throat and my voice is hoarse. Mentally my mind feels out of place and my biological clock is not functioning properly and as I have also stated my memory of the previous night is "fuzzy" 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** oh my god.... WE GOT SPOCK DRUNK HOW DO WE NOT REMEMBER THIS

 

 **klingonqween:** I do

 

 **STS:** NYOTA NO

 

 **prettyboy:** NYOTA YES TELL US WHAT HAPPENED

 

 __ **hypowieldingmaniac:** TELL US

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** YES MY LOVE TELL US HOW OUR HOBGOBLIN BECAME A DRUNK DISASTER

 

 **klingonqween:** OKAY SO WE ALL DECIDED TO SLIP CHOCOLATE INTO SPOCK'S DRINK AND LIKE WE SAW HIS POSTURE BECOME MORE RELAXED AND HE WAS TALKING LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN AND SO WE ORDERED HIM A CHOCOLATE MARTINI TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED AND WHEN HE SIPPED THE DRINK ONCE HE THEN PROCEEDED TO ORDER TWO MORE AFTER SLAMMING HIS FIST DOWN ON THE BAR EFFECTIVELY SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF THE BARTENDER BECAUSE HE SHOOK THE ENTIRE BAR AND BROKE LIKE FIVE GLASSES 

 

 **boygenius:** OH MY FUCKING GOD 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** PLEASE TELL ME THERE'S MORE TO THIS STORY

 

 **klingonqween:** OH THERE'S MORE ALRIGHT SO AFTER LIKE FIVE MARTINIS SPOCK THEN PROCEEDED TO THEN ACCEPT A JOINT FROM A SUPER HIGH AND DRUNK JIM AND HIKARU AND HE SMOKED THE ENTIRE THING IN LIKE TWO PUFFS BEFORE ASKING IF THEY HAD ANYTHING STRONGER AND THEY BOTH SAID HELL YEAH AND GESTURED FOR ALL OF US TO GO TO THE BEAM UP POINT WHERE WE WERE ALL TRANSPORTED TO SULU'S SHADY SPOT OF THE GREEN HOUSE ON THE ENTERPRISE AND SULU WAS STANDING THERE WITH A HOOKAH WITH PROBABLY SOME ILLEGAL VULCAN, ROMULAN, OR KLINGON SHIT AND AN EVIL SMIRK ON HIS FACE BEFORE LIGHTING IT AND HANDING IT TO SPOCK WHO TOOK A HUGE PUFF AND THEN PROCEEDED TO LAND ON HIS ASS LAUGHING HARDER THAN I HAVE EVER SEEN HIM BEFORE HANDING THE HOOKAH TO JIM AND TELLING HIM TO TAKE A HUGE PUFF AND HE DID BEFORE WE ALL TOOK ONE AND AFTER THAT WE THEN HAD A HUGE DEBATE ABOUT WHICH HAMILTON CHARACTER WAS THE BEST AND SPOCK STARTED RAPPING AND ROASTING LEONARD AND PASHA

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** WHAT

 

 **boygenius:** THE 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** FUCK 

 

**plantsandfencing:** HOLY SHIT JIM SAY SOMETHING

 

**prettyboy:** I CANT IM LAUGHING SO AHRD CBSLEJFKEHFBD

 

** hypowieldingmaniac: **  VIDEOS OR THAT NEVER HAPPENED

 

** klingonqween: ohithappenedalright.jpg SLAYSPOCK.jpg **

 

** prettyboy:  ** OH MY UFKCING GOD THAT NEED TO HAPPENS AGAIN LIKE REALLY FUCKING SOON

 

 **boygenius:** SLAY SPOCK SLAY 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** **YAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS.jpg**

 

**klingonqween: FIYAHWORKS.jpg**

 

 **klingonqween:** LEONARD SAY SOMETHING 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac: blurrymrkrabs.jpg OHFUCK.jpg**

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** that's how Spock's feeling enough I fucking guarantee it

 

**STS has changed their name to Imsofuckingdone**

 

**Imsofuckingdone: FUCKYOUALL.jpg**

 

**Imsofuckingdone: brendonurieandpatrickstumpareflippingyouoffrightnow.jpg**

 

**Imsofuckingdone: FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.jpg**

 

 **plantsandfencing:** IM SCREAMING RN 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** ME, NYOTA, AND LEO FELL OFF OF THE BED SCREAMING

 

 **boygenius:** THIS WAS WORTH THE HANGOVER 

 

 **prettyboy:** HIKARU I DON'T KNOW WHATEVER THE FUCK THE SHIT YOU HAVE IS BUT GROW MORE OF IT CAPITAN'S FUCKING ORDERS 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** IM ALREADY IN THE GREENHOUSE  **FRESHNEWBATCH.jpg**

 

 **klingonqween:** YAAAAASSSS 

 

**Imsofuckingdone** _has left the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

**~0~**

 

_You have entered the group_ **'Father and Son'**

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Father?

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** Yes Son? What is so important that you have to wake me up at 0300 Vulcan time 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** What is the cure for a Vulcan Hangover?

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** This is what you had to message me at 0300 about? 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Yes

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** Son, have you tried meditating?

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Yes, and it did not help 

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** Then just take two asprin and drink a tall glass of water and use a regular hangover hypo, I am sure they have those in sickbay 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Thank you and Dad?

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** Yes?

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Is that username really necessary?

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** yours is Imsofuckingdone so I am fairly sure we can call it even Son

 

**Imsofuckingdone** _has left the group_ **'Father and Son'**

 

**~0~**

 

_You have entered the group_ **'Our Progeny Are Crazy Fucks'**

 

**ihaveagayvulcan: mmohmygod.jpg**

 

 **marcusisaprick:** I don't even want to fucking know the shit that went down..

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** Neither do I

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** Although I am a little bit curious as to what substances made my son that hungover...

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** As am I 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** Yeah I have to admit I'm a little curious as well to see what shit they used to get that fucked up with 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** It is your turn anyway to find out what they're up to

 

 **marcusisaprick:** No, it's Sarek's turn, then it's mine

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** I just had to deal with my hungover son, who is half Vulcan and his username is Imsofuckingdone, I think that I can skip my turn this time around 

 

**marcusisaprick: DAMNIT.jpg IHATEYOUBOTH.jpg**

 

**pointyearedbastard: youloveusanyway.jpg**

 

**ihaveagayvulcan: we'llalwaysbebesties.jpg**

 

**marcusisaprick: thatstrue.jpg I'llseeuontheothersideofthewar.jpg**

 

_ You have left the group _ ** 'Our Progeny Are Crazy Fucks' **

 

** ~0~ **

 

_ 1 New message from  _ **marcusisaprick**

 

**marcusisaprick:** Let me in the GC 

 

** prettyboy:  ** why

 

**marcusisaprick:** Because the Vulcans and I are wondering what shit you used to fuck up Spock like that

 

**prettyboy:** because you and the Vulcans want to get fucked up like we did

 

**prettyboy:** wait, how did you know Spock got super fucked up?

 

**marcusisaprick:** Let's just say that Spock messaged his father asking about Vulcan Hangover Remedies

 

** prettyboy: **  Oh shit his hangover must be REALLY bad then 

 

** marcusisaprick: **  Damn straight, now let me in the damn GC

 

** prettyboy: **  fine

 

_ You have entered the group _ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

** prettyboy  ** _has added_ **marcusisaprick** _and_ **Imsofuckingdone** _to_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 **marcusisaprick:** nice name Jim

 

 **prettyboy:** thanks Chris 

 

 **klingonqween:** Hey Admiral Pike! What brings you to this toxic GC?

 

 **marcusisaprick:** Nyota, you can call me Chris there's no need for formalities when we're all fucked up in the head 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** touche

 

 **marcusisaprick:** So, a little birdie told me that you had a super fucked up Vulcan on your hands last night...

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** OH MY GOD HOW DID YOU KNOW

 

**Imsofuckingdone** _has left the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 **marcusisaprick:** Oh no you fucking don't

 

**marcusisaprick** _has added_ **Imsofuckingdone** _to the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** I'M GOING TO KILL MY DAD

 

 **marcusisaprick:** NO YOU FUCKING WON'T MISTER "WHAT ARE THE REMEDIES FOR VULCAN HANGOVERS"

 

 **plantsandfencing:** BUUUUUURRRRRRRNNNNNNN DAMN CHRIS YOU ROASTED HIS ASS

 

 **marcusisaprick:** ANYWAY what was the shit that you used to get Spock fucked up like that....

 

 **plantsandfencing:** WHY DO THE OTHER VULCANS WANT TO GET FUCKED UP AS BAD AS SPOCK DID?!!! BECAUSE IF THEY DO I'M SO DOWN FOR THAT 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** MAYBE, MAYBE NOT IT DOESN'T MATTER 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** OH MY GOD MY VULCAN DAD WANTS TO GET FUCKED UP ON DRUGS AND ALCOHOL I AM SO NOT OKAY WITH THIS 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** I SHALL GIVE YOU THE LIST ON ONE CONDITION, IF YOU RECORD THE FUCKED UP VULCANS

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** NO 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** YES 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** ALRIGHT FINE I'LL RECORD THEM NOW GIVE ME THE LIST OF SHIT 

 

 **plantsandfencing: listofshit.jpg**  

 

** marcusisaprick:  ** THANK YOU HIKARU YOU ARE A GODSEND

 

** plantsandfencing: **  YOU'RE WELCOME CHRIS

 

** Imsofuckingdone: **  OH GOD JESUS CHRIST FUCK

 

** hypowieldingmaniac ** : I HAVE BEEN HOWLING AT THIS FOR THE PAST 20 MINUTES

 

 **boygenius:** SAME

 

**~0~**

 

**2 Hours Later ......**

 

**marcusisaprick: THANKYOUHIKARU.jpg**

 

 **marcusisaprick:** Fucked up Vulcans..... you're welcome

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** OH MY FUCKING GOD NO

 

 **prettyboy:** YAAAAASSSS

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Fucked Up Vulcans And ROAST GOD SAREK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHTY THEN THE LAST THING WE SAW WAS FUCKED UP ELDER VULCANS AND SPOCK HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN, LET'S CONTINUE THAT SHALL WE

_You have entered the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 

 

**prettyboy:** TO LIFE

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** TO LIFE 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** LECHAIM

 

**klingonqween:** LECHAIM LECHAIM 

 

**boygenius:** TO LIFE 

 

**plantsandfencing:** IT TAKES THREE FUCKED UP VULCANS TO SAY LET'S GET HIGH AGAIN TODAY

 

**prettyboy:** DRINK LECHAIM TO LIIIIIIFFFFFFEEEEEEE

 

**prettyboy:** u all complete me 

 

**klingonqween:** <333333

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** FUCK YOU ALL 

 

**klingonqween:** awww but the person you really want to fuck is Jim

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** NYOTA

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BBBBBBBUUUUUUUURRRRRRNNNNNNN I LOVE YOU NY-NY

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** THAT'S MY GIRL 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** eh-HEM OUR QWEEN

 

**hypowieldingmaniac: OOPSMYBAD.jpg QWEENNYOTA.jpg BOWDOWNBEFOREHERSHEISGOD.jpg**

 

**boygenius:** YAAAAASSSS GO GET HIM MOM 

 

**marcusisaprick:** sorry to interrupt the Roasting of Spock fest but there are two hungover Vulcans who would like to say hello RT if you want to speak to them 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** RT!!!!!! 

 

**prettyboy:** HUNGOVER VULCANS OH MY FUCKING GOD RT

 

**klingonqween:** R. T.

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** R TO THE FUCKING T 

 

**plantsandfencing:** RT I WANT TO SEE WHAT MY ILLEGAL SHIT HAS CREATED 

 

  **boygenius:** RT

 

** Imsofuckingdone: **  NONONONONONONONONONONONO

 

** prettyboy: **  YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES

 

** marcusisaprick ** _ has added _ **pointyearedbastard** _and_ **ihaveagayvulcan** _to_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

**Imsofuckingdone** _has left the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** I swear to fucking god Spock..

 

** ihaveagayvulcan ** _ has added _ ** Imsofuckingdone ** _to_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** WHOEVER GAVE CHRIS THE LIST OF SHIT TO GET FUCKED UP WITH THANK YOU VERY MUCH I HAVE NOT FELT THIS HAPPY IN LIKE TEN YEARS 

 

** pointyearedbastard: **  EVEN T'PAU SAYS THANK YOU 

 

** prettyboy: **  WAIT 

 

** klingonqween: **  OH MY GOD 

 

** hypowieldingmaniac: **  HOLD ON JUST A FUKCING SECOND 

 

** boygenius: **  T'PAU?!!!!

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** AS IN THE T'PAU?!!!

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** AS IN MY GRANDMOTHER AND YOUR MOTHER T'PAU?!!!

 

**pointyearedbastard:** YES!!!

 

**prettyboy:** SULU I FUCKING LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOO MUCH RN 

 

**plantsandfencing:** <3333333 I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO PROUD OF GROWING SOMETHING ILLEGAL BEFORE

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** ALL HAIL THE ILLEGAL HERBAL SUBSTANCES GOD HIKARU SULU 

 

**klingonqween: ALLHAIL.jpg**

 

**boygenius: ALLHAIL.jpg**

 

**madpersonwithawrench: ALLHAIL jpg**

 

**ihaveagayvulcan: ALLHAIL.jpg**

 

**pointyearedbastard: ALLHAIL.jpg**

 

**prettyboy: ALLHAIL.jpg**

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** I AM SO DONE WITH YOU ALL THIS IS NOT HOW A VULCAN IS SUPPOSED TO ACT

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** YOUR GRANDMOTHER SAYS TO LET IT ALL OUT WE ONLY LET OUR FEELINGS SHOW DURING PON FARR AND ALL THAT YOU SHOW OR FEEL IS " FIRE BAD, SEX AWESOME" SO

 

**plantsandfencing:** DAYUM SHSJDNXLDK

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** DAD NO 

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** AND YOUR MOTHER WOULD SAY TO SHUT THE FUCK UP , SMOKE SOME MORE AND PULL THE STICK OIT OF YOUR ASS 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** IH MY FUCKING GOD I'M DYYYYIIIINNNGG AJDOENKCLSMWKC

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** SO IN CONCLUSION SMOKE WHEN YOU'RE OFF DUTY AND LEARN HOW TO ROAST BETTER INSTEAD OF LEAVING THE FUCKING GC ALL THE TIME 

 

**prettyboy:** HOLY SHIT I'M DONE THAT WAS THE BEST ROAST I HAVE EVER SEEN TAG URSELF I'M "SHUT THE FUCK UP, SMOKE SOME MORE AND PULL THE STICK OUT OF YOUR ASS"

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** IM "SMOKE WHEN YOU'RE OFF DUTY" 

 

**klingonqween:** IM "FIRE BAD, SEX AWESOME" 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** IM MY OWN REACTION BECASUE IM SO BLOWN AWAY BY THIS ROAST

 

**boygenius:** IM "LERAN HOW TO ROAST BETTER" 

 

**plantsandfencing:** FUCKIT I'M CHANGING THE GC NAME 

 

**plantsandfencing** _has changed the group name to_ **'ALL HAIL SAREK THE ROAST GOD'**

 

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** OMG THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH IT'S AN HONOR TO BECOME THE ROAST GOD 

 

**klingonqween:** "Plays 'All I Do Is Win' by DJ Khaled but changes "all I do is win" to "all I do is roast" in honor of our Roast God Sarek" 

 

**pointyearedbastard:** 'sips tea' There is nothing I would change about that roast, Spock is on his own now....

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** OH MY GOD I'M HOWLING FUKC 

 

**prettyboy:** IM SCREAMING AJSKFNDKEOEJBCNMLK

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** DEAD.

 

**boygenius:** YOMAYOL 

 

**plantsandfencing:** SPEAKING OF WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?! HE NEEDS TO SEE THIS. LIKE NOW.

 

**prettyboy:** give me a minute....

 

**~0~**

 

_16 new messages from:_ **prettyboy**

**prettyboy:** SPOCK

 

**prettyboy:** SPOCK

 

**prettyboy:** SPOCK

 

**prettyboy:** SPOCK

 

**prettyboy:** SPOCK

 

**prettyboy:** SPOCK

 

**prettyboy:** SPOCK

 

**prettyboy:** SPOCK

 

**prettyboy:** SPOCK

 

**prettyboy:** SPOCK

 

**prettyboy:** SPOCK

 

**prettyboy:** SPOCK

 

**prettyboy:** SPOCK

 

**prettyboy:** SPOCK

 

**prettyboy:** SPOCK

 

**prettyboy:** SPOCK

 

_You have entered the group_ **'ALL HAIL SAREK THE ROAST GOD'**

 

**prettyboy:** HE'S NOT ANSWERING FUCKIT I'M GOING TO HIS QUARTERS 

 

**klingonqween:** are you going alone Jim? ;))))) 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** Oooooooo sexy times ensue for this visit 

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** *plays "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye

 

**plantsandfencing:** OOOOOOHHHHHHH BABY

 

**boygenius:** LET'S GET IT ON 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** I'VE BEEN REALLY TRYIN BABY

 

**klingonqween:** TO HOLD BACK THIS FEELIN FOR SOOOOO LONG 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** AND IF YOU FEEL LIKE I FEEL BABY 

 

**pointyearedbastard:** THEN COME ON, OOOOHHHHH COME ON

 

**marcusisaprick:** LET'S GET IT ON 

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** OOOOOONNNN BABY, LETS GET IT ON 

 

**boygenius:** THERE'S NOTHIN WRONG WITH MEEEEE LOVIN YOOOUUUU BABY OOOOOOOHHHHHH 

 

**klingonqween:** AND GIVIN YOURSELF TO ME COULD NEVER BE WROOOONG IF THE LOVE IS TRUUUUUUEEEE

 

**plantsandfencing:** THEN IIIIIIIIII DON'T WANNA WORRY 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** I DON'T WANNA PUSH BABY WOOOAAAHHHHHH NOOOOOO

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** SO COME ON COME ON COME ON BABY

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** STOP BEATIN ROUND THE BUUUUUSSSSHHHH YEAH YEAH 

 

**marcusisaprick:** YEAH I WANNA GET IT OOOONNNNN

 

**pointyearedbastard:** LEEEEEEETTTTSSS GET IT OOOOOOOONNNNNNN

 

**prettyboy:** I hate you all....

 

**klingonqween:** YOU LOVE US <333 NOW GO CHECK ON YOUR HUSBAND AND/OR FINALLY GET IT ON WITH HIM 

 

**prettyboy:** NYOTA STOP FINE IM GOING!!!

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** YAY! HAVE FUN MAKING OUT WITH MY SON

 

**prettyboy:** SAREK

 

 

**~0~**

 

 

**prettyboy:** OH MY GOD I FOUND SPOCK 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** WHERE WAS HE?!!!

 

**prettyboy: OHMYGOD.jpg** HE WAS KNEE DEEP IN SULU'S ILLEGAL SHIT IN THE BACK OF THE GREENHOUSE HIGH AS FUCK

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** OH MY GOD ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!!

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO PROUD TO SEE MY SON HIGH AS FUCK YAY!! 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** YOU ARE THE ONES WHO MADE ME RESORT TO THIS FUCKING SHIT AGAIN IM STILL REALLY FUCKING PISSED OFF AT ALL OF YOU

 

  

**~0~**

 

_1 New chat from_ **Imsofuckingdone**

 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** OOOOOOHHHHHH MMMMMYYYYYY FFFFFUUUUUCCCCKKKIIIIINNNGGG GGGGGOOOOOODDDDDD JIM LOOKS SO HOT RIGHT NOW I CAN'T TAKE IT 

 

**klingonqween:** THEN MAKE OUT WITH HIM YOU DUMB SHIT!!!

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** WILL DO NYOTA <3333

 

 

**~0~**

 

 

_1 New chat from_ **prettyboy**

 

 

**prettyboy:** **HOTSPOCK.jpg**

 

**prettyboy:** DOESN'T SPOCK LOOK GORGEOUS IN A CLOUD OF ILLEGAL HERBAL SUBSTANCES SMOKE?!!! 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** JUST FUCK ALREADY WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE DYING TO!!!

 

 

**~0~**

 

_1 New chat from_   **myloveNyota**

 

**myloveNyota: SPOCKISHORNY.jpg**

 

**hypowieldingmaniac: JIMISHORNY.jpg**

 

**myloveNyota:** CAN'T THEY JUST HAVE SEX ALREADY?!!

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** patience my love, wait a few hours

 

**myloveNyota:** ugh alright...

 

  **~0~**

 

**The Next Day......**

 

_You have entered the group_ **'SAREK IS A ROAST GOD'**

 

 

**prettyboy:** FUCK

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** FUCK

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT YOU GUYS!!! YOUR COMMENTS CRACK ME UP AND EVERYONE KEEP SAYING STUFF ABOUT THE NAMES SO I'LL EXPLAIN THEY ALL JUST CAME TO ME WHILE I WAS WRITING AND I MATCHED THE NAMES TO THE CHARACTERS FOR EXAMPLE 'ihaveagayvulcan' and Sarek THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE NAMES THAT I CAME UP WITH BECAUSE LITERALLY SAREK IS JUST STATING THE TRUTH WITH THIS NAME BECAUSE AS WE ALL KNOW SPOCK IS GAY AS FUCK AND PINES AFTER JIM SO THAT'S HOW I CAME UP WITH THAT ONE
> 
> I NEED YOUR HELP YOU GUYS TO HELP CREATE A NAME FOR KHAN IN THE GROUP CHAT I'M HAVING TROUBLE CREATING A NAME FOR HIM SO IF ANY OF YOU HAVE SUGGESTIONS I WILL GLADLY LISTEN TO THEM, HE'S DEBUTING IN A FEW CHAPTERS SO YOU HAVE TIME TO FIGURE SOME NAMES OUT, REMEMBER THAT KHAN HATES LGBTQ+ PEOPLE AND HE THINKS HE'S SUPERIOR TO EVERYONE ELSE SO TIE THAT TO HIS NAME!!!
> 
>  
> 
> ILY ALL AS ALWAYS KUDOS AND COMMENTS FEED THIS RIDICULOUS MESS <3 C


	3. WE ARE SO DONE WITH BOTH OF YOUR PINING BOYS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED AFTER JIM FOUND A HIGH AS FUCK SPOCK LET'S SEE 
> 
> P.S. I'M SO SO SOOOO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE SO TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU ALL I'M UPLOADING TWO CHAPTERS TODAY!!!!

_You have entered the group_ **'ALL HAIL SAREK THE ROAST GOD'**

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WITH YOU TWO 

 

 **prettyboy:** NOTHING BY BONESY 

 

**Imsofuckingdone: GOTTABLAST.jpg**

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** JIM

 

 **klingonqween:** SPOCK

 

 **plantsandfencing:** FUCK

 

_You have left the group_ **'ALL HAIL SAREK THE ROAST GOD'**

 

**~0~**

 

_You have entered the group_ **'JIM AND SPOCK ARE DUMB SHITS'**

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** love the name whoever created this disgustingly obsessed with spirk GC 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** thansk Sarek OKAY SO DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT BETWEEN THE TWOI DIDOTS?!!!

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** NO AND BOTH DUMBASSES WERE ACTING WEIRD IN TE OTHER GC AND THEY LEFT WHICH IS NOT THEM AT ALL 

 

 **klingonqween:** DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO?!!

 

 **boygenius:** mom we have to get back to our daily routines now, let's just see how they act on the bridge... Is everyone on the same page now?! 

 

 **klingonqween:** fine 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** FINE 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** FINE 

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** FINE DAMNIT

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** FINE 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** fine I wont pry.... anything for you dear Pasha <3333

 

 **boygenius:** <3333333

 

 **marcusisaprick:** HEY

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** THIS IS THE SPIRK CHAT TAKE YOUR CUTE CHULU SHIT SOMEWHERE ELSE NOW LET'S GET OUT STILL HUNGOVER ASSES IN GEAR 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** alright elders let's remove ourselves from the other group chat but stay in this one 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** BUT WHYYYYYYYYYY?!!!!!

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** I WANT TO SEE MY SON'S REACTIONS PLEEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSSSEEEEEEE

 

 **marcusisaprick:** NO, BOTH OF YOU WOULD JUST STARE AT THE CHAT ALL DAY AND DON'T EVEN LIE TO ME YOU DAMN HOBGOBLINS....

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** ;(( 

 

**ihaveagayvulcan: FINE.jpg IHATEYOU.jpg**

 

**marcusisaprick: youlovemeanyway.jpg**

 

**ihaveagayvulcan: thatstrue.jpg**

 

 **marcusisaprick:** KEEP US POSTED YOU GUYS

 

 **klingonqween:** WE WILL!!!!!

 

_You have left the group '_ **JIM AND SPOCK** **ARE DUMB SHITS'**

 

**~0~**

 

_You have entered the group_ **'ALL HAIL SAREK THE ROAST GOD'**

**marcusisaprick** _,_ **pointyearedbastard** _, and_ **ihaveagayvulcan** _have left the group_ **'ALL HAIL SAREK THE ROAST GOD'**

 

 **prettyboy:** WHO'S READY FOR MEME TIME?!!! 

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** JIMMY GET THE FUCK BACK TO BEING OUR YA KNOW CAPITAN!!!

 

 **prettyboy:** BUT WHHHHYYYYYYY BONSEY I'M BORED 

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** YOU HAVE A FUCKING JOB TO DO AND SO DO I AND I'M NOT PUTTING UP WITH YOUR PINING SHIT RN 

 

 **prettyboy:** BONES!!!

 

 **prettyboy:** WILL NO ONE PARTAKE IN A MEME FEST WITH ME?!!!!

 

 **prettyboy:**   **pepethefrog.jpg**

 

 **prettyboy:** GOD FUCKING DAMNIT 

 

 **prettyboy:** On my own..... 

 

 **prettyboy:** pretending he's beside meeeeeee

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** James, for the love of Surak get off of the group chat 

 

 **prettyboy:** ASDGASKLJJ NEVER THIS GC IS LIFE

 

 **klingonqween:** JIM

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** DON'T MAKE ME USE YOUR FULL NAME JIM GET OFF OF THE DAMN CHAT

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** JIM

 

 **prettyboy:** NOOOOOOO I DON'T WANNA 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Jim I will bring Pike into this....

 

 **plantsandfencing:** OOOOOOHHHHHH SHOTS FIRED DAMN SPOCK!!!

 

 **prettyboy:** THIS GAY FAMILY IS BULLYING ME HELP ME PASHA MY CHILD HELP ME

 

 **boygenius:** no and also im not your child I am Ny-Ny's

 

 **klingonqween:** I LOVE YOU PASHA <3

 

 **boygenius:** <33333333

 

 **prettyboy:** FAKE, ALL OF YOU DEVIANTS ARE FAKE FUCKIT I'M LEAVING THIS TOXIC GARBAGE FAMILY 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** we would not miss you anyways ashaya

 

 **plantsandfencing:** OOOOOHHHH BURN

 

 **prettyboy:** before i leave Spock what does ashaya mean?

 

 **klingonqween:** are you going to tell him Spock ;))))

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** SHIT 

 

**~0~**

 

_You have entered the group_ **'JIM AND SPOCK ARE DUMB SHITS'**

 

 **klingonqween:**  OH MY GOD IM SCREAHMING HOLY FUCK

 

 **marcusisaprick:**  WHAT 

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:**  WHAT TF HAPPENED

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:**  SAREK YOU CANNOT HAVE MY CATCHPHRASE 

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:**  LEONARD THIS IS ABOUT JIM AND SPOCK THIS IS NOT ABOUT CATCHPHRASES

 

 **pointyearedbastard:**  EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP NYOTA WHAT HAPPENED?!!!

 

 **klingonqween:**  SPOCK CALLED JIM ASHAYA IN THE MAIN GC 

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:**  OH MY GOD YAAAAASSSS 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:**  GET IT YOUNGER ME 

 

 **plantsandfencing:**  I SPEAK FOR THOSE WHO DONT FUKCING SPEAK VULCAN WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!

 

 **boygenius:** TELL US 

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** TELL US OUR QWEEN 

 

 **klingonqween:** Ashaya is a shorter term for Ashayam which means "beloved" or "My Love" its a common term used by bonded or "married" Vulcans as a term for affection 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** HOLY FUCK 

 

 **klingonqween:** I KNOW 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** NO I DIDN'T GET TO FINISH WHAT I WANTED TO TEXT, I SAID HOLY FUCK BECAUSE I WAS IN THE SECURITY ROOM REMOVING SOME QUESTIONABLE FOOTAGE FROM ENGINEERING EARLIER ON AND I CAME ACROSS THE FOOTAGE FROM THE GREENHOUSE WHEN JIM AND SPOCK WERE IN THERE ALONE 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** DID THEY EITHER MAKE OUT OR FUCK BECAUSE MY BET WAS THEY FUCKED AND I BET A LOT OF CREDITS 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** SO AT FIRST SPOCK WAS DOING SOME QUESTIONABLE VULCAN SHIT WITH HIS AND JIM'S HANDS AND THEN THEY GOT LIKE SUPER CLOSE TOGETHER AND SPOCK SURGED FORWARD AND LIKE SUPER AGGRESSIVELY KISSED JIM AND PINNED HIM TO THE GREENHOUSE WALL AND THE SCREEN BLACKED OUT AFTER THAT 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** DAMNIT 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** HOLY SHIT 

 

 **klingonqween:** IM DONE PUTTING UP WITH THERE SHIT I'M TELLING JIM WHAT SPOCK SAID 

 

_You have left the group **'**_ **JIM AND SPOCK ARE DUMB SHITS'**

 

**~0~**

 

_You have 1 new message from_ **'klingonkween'**

 

 **klingonqween:** Jim I'll tell you what Ashaya means if you talk to Spock after I tell you...

 

 **prettyboy:** DEAL TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS

 

 **klingonqween:** Jim, Ashaya is a shorter term for Ashayam which means "Beloved" and/or "My Love" it's a common phrase used by Vulcan bonded couples

 

 **prettyboy:** so Spock called me his beloved? 

 

 **klingonqween:** yep 

 

 

**~0~**

 

 _You have 1 New message from_   **prettyboy**

 

 

 **prettyboy:** Spock. My quarters. Ten minutes 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Jim? What is wrong?

 

 **prettyboy:** nothings wrong Ashayam

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Jim.... Where did you learn that word?

 

 **prettyboy:** not telling ;)))) although I think you know who... My quarters. Ten minutes. Just you ashayam.

 

 

**~0~**

 

_You have one new message from_ **'Imsofuckingdone'**

 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** NYOTA I LOVE YOU THANK YOU 

 

 **klingonqween:** I accept cash payment and you're welcome :)

 

 

**~0~**

 

 _You have entered the group_   **'JIM AND SPOCK ARE DUMB SHITS'**

 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** does anyone know why both Jim and Spock ran off the bridge frantically and hurriedly gave me the conn 

 

 **klingonqween:** I MAY have an idea......

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** ASDAFKDLDJEKB NYOTA DID YOU FINALLY BRING OUR TWO FAVORITE GAY SPACE DORKS TOGETHER 

 

 **klingonqween:** TOTALLY 

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** YAY THE PINING IS FINALLY OVER 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** but you now realize we r going to have to deal with those two being sickly in love 

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** DAMNIT

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** UGH 

 

 

**~0~**

 

_You have entered the chat_ **'ALL HAIL SAREK THE ROAST GOD'**

 

 

 **prettyboy:** HEY MY GAY DORKS GUESS WHAT?!

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** WHAT?!

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** WE GOT MARRIED!!! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE YOU ALL!!! THANKS FOR READING!!


	4. THE GAY DORKS GOT MARRIED AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN INVITE US?!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UGH I'm sorry this took so long my BFF's in the hospital after a really bad car accident so I went to his bedside last night and stayed there until like 2am so when I got back I was SUPER tired and went to sleep..... anyways this chapter goes on throughout the week that the crew are planning the space dorks wedding and the next part will be the ACTUAL wedding!!!! I love you guys!! Thanks so much for reading!!
> 
> And the credits for the tux scene and Gaynight go to one of my favorite writers @rescuemechinboyandshowmethestars who created the masterpiece that is Hamsquad™

_You have entered the group ****_**'ALL HAIL SAREK THE ROAST GOD'**   


**  
**

**  
**

**hypowieldingmaniac:** WHAT

  


**madpersonwithawrench:** THE

  


**ihaveagayvulcan:** FUCK

  


**klingonqween:** YOU LEAVE TO HAVE SEX FOR ONE FUKCING MINUTE AND THIS HAPPENS WTF

  


**plantsandfencing:** I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO MAKE THE FLORAL ARRANGEMENTS 

  


**madpersonwithawrench:** I DIDN'T GET TO REVAMP THE SHUTTLE INTO A SEX DUNGEON/ PLEASURE PLACE FOR THE DORKS

  


**marcusisaprick:**.........

  


**ihaveagayvulcan** **:**.................

  


**pointyearedbastard:**...................................

  


**Imsofuckingdone:** I would not be adverse to that 

  


**prettyboy:**  SPOCK  


  


**marcusisaprick:** ANYWAY APART FROM YOUR KINKY SEX LIFE I DIDN'T GET TO WALK JIM IN HIS WHITE DRESS DOWN THE AISLE  


  


**prettyboy:** I AM NOT WEARING A DRESS FOR MY WEDDING   


  


**Imsofuckingdone:** again, I am not adverse to that  


  


**klingonqween:** I DIDN'T GET TO BE THE MAID OF HONOR   


  


**hypowieldingmaniac:** I DIDN'T GET TO BE BEST MAN WTF JIM?!!  


  


**prettyboy:** GUYS   


  


**madpersonwithawrench:** eh-HEM  


  


**prettyboy:** SHIT SORRY SCOTTY I MEANT SHUT THE HELL UP MY GAY SCREWED UP SPACE FAMILY WITH EVERY FUCKED UP QUALITY UNDER THE SUN

  


**madpersonwithawrench:** Thank you Jim <333  


  


**Imsofuckingdone:** grrrrrrr  


  


**madpersonwithawrench:** FINE OKAY WE GET IT HE'S YOURS NOW WHY DID YOU MAKE US SHUT THE FUCK UP JIM YOU KNOW IT'S NOT IN MY NATURE TO  


  


**hypowieldingmaniac:** SAME  


  


**klingonqween:** SAME <333

  


**prettyboy:** MY POINT BEING WE HAVEN'T HAD OUR ACTUAL WEDDING YET WE JUST BONDED DURING SOME REALLY HOT SEX   


  


**plantsandfencing:** "groans"  


  


**hypowieldingmaniac:** "facepalms"  


  


**Imsofuckingdone:** DONT YOU DARE GROAN OR FACEPALM ME LEONARD MCCOY AND HIKARU SULU IT'S NOT LIKE WE HAVEN'T HEARD CHEKOV'S MOANS OR CRIES OF PLEASURE COMING FROM YOUR QUARTERS AND DON'T THINK WE HAVEN'T HEARD NYOTA AND SCOTTY SCREAM "LEONARD!!" LATE AT NIGHT SO DON'T YOU DARE SAY YOU HAVEN'T HAD REALLY HOT SEX BEFORE   


  


**klingonqween:** WTF SPOCK YOU DON'T @ YOUR MAID OF HONOR   


  


**madpersonwithawrench:** AND YOU DON'T @ THE PERSON WHO'S BUILDING EVERY BLOODY THING FOR YOUR WEDDING?!!!

  


**boygenius:** AND YOU DONT FUKCING @ THE BRIDESMAID AND BOYFRIEND TO THE GUY THAT'S BUILDING YOUR BOUQUETS!!!

  


**klingonqween:** Speaking of weddings when is it? I have to make sure everything goes perfectly and terrorize the people who don't make everything to my standards

  


**prettyboy:** oh YEAH forgot about that, it's in a week

  


**klingonqween:** a WEEK?! ARE YOU FUKCING KIDDING ME?! Do you know what the diplomats will say when they are called "oh yeah the wedding's tomorrow you'd better hightale your ASSES over to the Enterprise"

  


**prettyboy:** Im really not that worried Nyota because I know you have a special place in you heart for rough housing diplomats, it's one of your specialties 

  


**klingonqween:** ASDALKSF THANK U JIM THAT MEANS A LOT <333    


  


**prettyboy:** ALRIGHT EVERYONE LET'S HAVE A KICK-ASS WEDDING THAT I'M PUTTING NYOTA IN CHARGE OF SO IF YOU HAVE ANY COMPLAINTS, BRING THEM TO HER I HAVE CLEARED YOUR SCHEDULES SO THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS WORK ON SHIT FOR THE WEDDING AND OLD SPOCK IS OFFICIATING, CHRIS IS WALKING ME DOWN THE AISLE, SAREK WILL BE WITH SPOCK AT THE ALTAR, NYOTA IS THE MAID OF HONOR AND HEAD WEDDING PLANNER, BONES IS BEST MAN, SCOTTY IS BUILDING EVERYTHING, PASHA IS A BRIDESMAID, AND SULU IS THE CHIEF FOR ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING TO DO WITH FLOWERS AND OTHER SHIT ALRIGHT SO DOES EVERYONE KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING?!   


  


  


**Imsofuckingdone:** what do we do?  


  


**prettyboy:** we're the grooms Spock, we don't do shit except show up at the wedding   


  


**klingonqween:** well you at least have to have a tux fitting, I'm not letting you wear your dress uniforms and what colors do you want?  


  


******Imsofuckingdone:** blue, white, and gold  


  


******klingonqween:** why am I not surprised..... ALRIGHT YOU ASSHOLES LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD   


  


  


**~0~**

**  
**

**  
**

**madpersonwithawrench:** Um....... Ny-Ny I love you with all of me heart please don't be mad at me, be mad at the gay space dorks

**  
**

**klingonqween:** MONTGOMERY SCOTT WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!

  


**madpersonwithawrench:** IT REALLY WASNT ME IT WAS JIM AND SPOCK  


  


**klingonqween:** WHAT. DID. YOU. DO.  


  


**madpersonwithawrench:** ****Okay so, I was working on the canopy for the wedding when the dorks walked in and they wanted to look at how everything was going, and long story short they gave me a tribble and Spock said for an experiment he wanted to see what would happen if the tribble ingested pot so he told me to feed the tribble with some weird paste and he gave me a joint before locking me and the tribble in a supply closet and from what I heard behind the door I could TOTALLY tell they fucked under the canopy, twice...... please don't be mad at me

  


**klingonqween:** give me a minute.....  


  


  


**~0~**   


**  
**

_You have 1 new message from_ **'klingonqween'**

**  
**

**  
**

**klingonqween:** really Jim.....

  


**prettyboy:** what?  


  


**klingonqween:** tribblet, pot, Scotty, you and Spock having sex underneath your wedding canopy, TWICE   


  


**prettyboy:** oh, that.....  


  


**klingonqween:** yeah, THAT   


  


**prettyboy:** Technically, that was Spock's idea not mine  


  


**klingonqween:** You guys are such a pain in my ass sometimes....  


  


**prettyboy:** yeah, but u love us anyway... <33333  


  


**klingonqween:** sometimes I wish I didn't.....

  


  


**__~0~**   


**  
**

_You have 1 new message from_   **'klingonkween'**  


**  
**

****

**klingonqween:** did u REALLY have to give Scotty and a tribble pot and then proceed to have sex under your wedding canopy, and might I add TWICE?!!

  


**Imsofuckingdone:** we wanted to christen it, well more specifically I wanted to christen it and Jim always loves sex so he played along   


  


**klingonqween:** I really don't want to listen to your sexual escapades with our Capitan.....  


  


**Imsofuckingdone:** and I really don't ACTUALLY want to hear your sex escapades with our chief engineer and our chief medical officer, literally two beds down from me and Jim in sickbay, when you thought we were sleeping, apparently you forgot Vulcans have better hearing than humans......

  


**klingonqween:** YOU'RE MAKING ME WANNA QUIT AND IT'S ONLY THE FIFTH DAY OF PLANNING 

  


**Imsofuckingdone:** You would never, you love us and you love planning shit, especially weddings....   


  


**klingonqween:** Damnit how do u know me so well  


  


**Imsofuckingdone:** <33333  


  


**klingonqween:** UGH alright fine get some sleep or at least try to, you have tux fittings tomorrow...  


  


**Imsofuckingdone:** will do Ny-Ny <333  


  


  


**~0~**   


**  
**

_You have entered the group_ **'ALL HAIL SAREK THE ROAST GOD'**

**  
**

**Imsofuckingdone:** OH MY GOD MY FIANCE/HUSBAND LOOKS SO HOT RN IN HIS WHITE TUX I'M DYING 

  


**Imsofuckingdone: FUCK.jpg**   


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**Imsofuckingdone: yourassiscuterthanmine.jpg**

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**Imsofuckingdone: IM100PERCENTGAY.jpg**

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**Imsofuckingdone: IMSOGAYBECAUSEOFU.jpg**

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**Imsofuckingdone: everyonewaswrongimgay.jpg**

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**Imsofuckingdone: ISHALLNEVERBESTRAIGHT.jpg**

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**Imsofuckingdone: ilovedick.jpg**

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**Imsofuckingdone: yourassblowsmymind.jpg**

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**Imsofuckingdone: GITTYONUP.jpg**

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**Imsofuckingdone:           THISISWHOIMMARRYINGANDEVERYONESJEALOUSOFMEANDTHEYCANGOFUCKSOMEONEELSE.jpg**

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**hypowieldingmaniac:** IM SCREAGHMIMG 

  


**plantsandfencing: THEGAYSAREOUTOFCONTROL.jpg**   


**  
**

**Imsofuckingdone** _has added_ **pointyearedbastard** _,_ **ihaveagayvulcan** _, and_ **marcusisaprick** _to the group_ **'ALL HAIL SAREK THE ROAST GOD'**

**  
**

**  
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**Imsofuckingdone:** THIS IS MY BONDMATE AND MY HUSBAND TO BE  **HESSOHOTIMGAY.jpg**

**  
**

**klingonqween:** Suddenly, I am Stragiht

  


**ihaveagayvulcan:** OH MY GOD I'M SCREAMING NYOTA YOU COULD NEVER BE FULLY STRAGIHT IF YOU TRIED  


  


**klingonqween:** I AM STRAGIHT DON'T JUDGE ME SAREK   


  


**hypowieldingmaniac:** BULLSHIT  


  


**madpersonwithawrench:** YOU FUCKED GALIA AT THE ACADEMY   


  


**klingonqween:** ****SO DID YOU.  


  


**madpersonwithawrench:** YEAH BUT I DIDN'T INCONSPICUOUSLY DATE HER FOR THREE MONTHS  


  


**klingonqween:** I FEEL SO ATTACKED RN BY BOTH OF MY HUSBANDS SOMEONE HELP ME  


  


**plantsandfencing:** NOPE YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF MISS "IM STRAGIHT"  


  


**klingonqween:** SCREW YOU MONTY I'M ONLY FUCKING LEO NOW   


  


**madpersonwithawrench:** NYOTA MY LOVE WHY?!!  


  


**marcusisaprick:** the ****y ain't never gonna get laid again.....  


  


**ihaveagayvulcan:** I almost feel sorry for them   


  


**madpersonwithawrench:** SHUT UP SAREK YOU HAVEN'T BEEN LAID IN LIKE FIFTY YEARS DON'T JUDGE ME  


  


**ihaveagayvulcan:** yet I never lost the ability to have sex with the one I loved during the time that she was alive, yet you now have to deal with her having sex with your other loved one and not joining in on the fun......  


  


**prettyboy:** WTF YOU STOP ANSWERING FOR FIVE MINUTES TO GIVE YOUR FIANCE A BLOWJOB AND THIS SHIT HAPPENS 

  


**pointyearedbastard:** JIM SERIOUSLY?!!

  


**prettyboy:** WHAT IT'S THE TRUTH    


  


**prettyboy:** I CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH HIM TONIGHT BECAUSE THE WEDDING IS TOMORROW AND WE WANT TO FOLLOW THE RULES!!  


  


**klingonqween:** Speaking of the wedding I had to invite one more admiral besides Chris......

  


**marcusisaprick:** NO.   


  


**hypowieldingmaniac:** NO  


  


**ihaveagayvulcan:** NO  


  


**madpersonwithawrench:** NO   


  


**pointyearedbastard:** NO  


  


**boygenius:** NO IT BETTER NOT BE  


  


**plantsandfencing:** ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!   


  


**Imsofuckingdone:** NYOTA PLEASE  


  


**prettyboy:** PLEASE TELL ME THE ADMIRAL ISN'T ARCHER   


  


**klingonqween:** I'M SO SORRY I HAD TO AND HE WAS THE ONLY ONE AVAILABLE ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE   


  


**prettyboy:** THAT'S IT WE'RE CANCELING THE WEDDING I CAN'T DEAL WITH HIM  


  


**Imsofuckingdone:** YES YOU CAN YOU ARE CAPITAN JAMES TIBERIUS KIRK, YOU HAVE SAVED THE WORLD NUMEROUS TIMES, YOU HAVE TAKEN ON KLINGONS AND ROMULANS AND YOUR DAMN STEP FATHER YOU CAN TAKE ON STUPID FUCKING ARCHER  


  


**prettyboy:** God I love you <333333 and alright, I'll deal with Archer, but someone has to hide Scotty from him or Archer will ship them off to Delta Vega   


  


**madpersonwithawrench:** I think I'll be fine, I have all of you guys to protect me, and I have an admiral and two ambassadors, one from the future might I add that have my back so I'll be fine  


  


**marcusisaprick:** don't worry we'll all have your back Scotty....  


  


**klingonqween:** ALRIGHT EVERYONE LET'S GET SOME SHUT EYE AND JIM, SPOCK YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO TRY ANYTHING FUNNY LEO AND I WILL BE ROOMING WITH YOU GUYS, I'LL BE WITH SPOCK AND LEO YOU'RE WITH JIM 

  


**hypowieldingmaniac:** HANG ON I DIDN'T GET ANY SAY IN THIS   


  


**klingonqween:** LEONARD. HORATIO. MCCOY.   


  


**hypowieldingmaniac:** OKAY FINE I'LL STAY WITH JIM  


  


**klingonqween:** THANK U ILYSM <333  


  


  


**boygenius:** tbh y'all are GOALS when it comes to poly relationships  


  


**madpersonwithawrench:** ****THANK U  


  


**klingonqween:** ALRIGHT EVERYONE GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP TOMORROW'S THE BIG DAY  


  


**ihaveagayvulcan:** night  


  


**marcusisaprick:** night  


  


**plantsandfencing:** night  


  


**prettyboy:** gaynight  


  


**boygenius:** OMG I'M USING THAT NOW GAYNIGHT EVERYBODY  


  


**hypowieldingmaniac:** GAYNIGHT  


  


**pointyearedbastard:** gaynight  


  


**klingonqween:** gaynight  


  


**Imsofuckingdone:** GAYNIGHT  


  


_You have left the group_ **'ALL HAIL SAREK THE ROAST GOD'**   


**  
**

**~0~**

**  
**

_You have one new message from_   **'prettyboy'**  


**  
**

**  
**

**prettyboy:** I miss u

  


**Imsofuckingdone:** ****miss u 2  


  


**prettyboy:** can you believe that we're getting married tomorrow?!  


  


**Imsofuckingdone:** NOPE  


  


**prettyboy:** neither can I   


  


**Imsofuckingdone:** but I would never marry anyone else besides you T'hy'la <33333  


  


**prettyboy:** me either ilysm you mean the world to me   


  


**Imsofuckingdone:** You are the love of my life I never want to live without you  


  


**prettyboy:** I love you Spock, more than words can say <3  


  


**Imsofuckingdone:** Taluhk nash-veh k'dular T'hy'la <333  


  


**prettyboy:** I'm sorry my love but Bones is yelling at me to "put the damn PADD down Jim and go to sleep"  


  


**Imsofuckingdone:** tell him I'll kick his ass tomorrow if he's mean to you   


  


**prettyboy:** he just flipped you the bird and said "Fuck off Spock"  


  


**Imsofuckingdone:** flip him off for me, I cherish thee, goodnight Ashayam sleep well <3  


  


**prettyboy:** you too honey, I'll see you at the altar <3  


  



	5. THE SPACE DORKS WEDDING FOR THE AGES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE SPACE DORKS FINALLY GET MARRIED!!! Nuff said HAVE FUN READING!! :) SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG I'VE HAD SOOOOOO MUCH SHIT ON MY PLATE

_You have entered the group_ **'ALL HAIL SAREK THE ROAST GOD'**

 

**klingonqween:** ALRIGHT YOU ASSHATS GET THE FUCK UP TODAY'S THE DAY

 

**marcusisaprick:** Five. More. Minutes. Please Nyota

 

**klingonqween:** NO CHRISTOPHER YOU HAVE TO GET UP NOW 

 

**marcusisaprick:** Sarek and Selik I'm blaming my dark circles and my irritable mood on you 

 

**pointyearedbastard:** 'sips tea'

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** it's not my fault that you were horny @ one in the fucking morning and needed to be set straight

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** I NEED A SHOT OF ROMULAN ALE AND A FUCKTON OF SULU'S ILLEGAL SHIT RN TO ERASE THAT MENTAL IMAGE FROM MY HEAD

 

**marcusisaprick:** WTF SAREK BABE REALLY?!! DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO OUT US TO THE ENTIRE FUCKING SQUAD ON YOUR SON AND MY ADOPTED SON'S WEDDING DAY

 

**pointyearedbastard:** well anyways...... SURPRISE!!! ME CHRIS AND SAREK ARE IN A POLY RELATIONSHIP NOW LETS GO GET THE SPACE DORKS HITCHED!!!

 

**prettyboy:** I......

 

**plantsandfencing:** I HAVE NO WORDS FOR THIS 

 

**boygenius:** YOU SLEEP LATE FOR FIVE MINUTES AND THIS SHIT HAPPENS

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** OKAY NOW SINCE WE'RE WAKING UP AT AN UNGODLY HOUR TO PREPARE FOR A WEDDING THAT'S HAPPENING IN ABOUT UM I DON'T KNOW IN SIX FUCKING HOURS AND WE THINK WE'RE JUST HAVE TO GOING TO GUZZLE COFFEE TO GET OUR ASSES IN GEAR BUT NO. WE GET TO WAKE THE FUCK UP BY SEEING "SURPRISE!!! ME CHRIS AND SAREK ARE IN A POLY RELATIONSHIP NOW LETS GO GET THE SPACE DORKS HITCHED!!!" FROM SELIK NOW I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO DRINK THIS MEMORY INTO OBLIVION, BUT I DO APPROVE OF THIS BECAUSE Y'ALL ARE BASICALLY MARRIED ANYWAY SO....

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** THANK U LEONARD FOR GIVING YOUR APPROVAL FOR THIS RELATIONSHIP

 

**klingonqween:** don't get me wrong we all approve and even ship this mess but let's put this aside for like today and focus on you son who is having a low key existential crisis in the corner of his room 

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** shit is he mad?

 

**klingonqween:** let's just say after I saw it I told him not to look at the chat but he did anyway and he stared at the screen for like five minutes and I could hear the handles of the PADD breaking before he threw it halfway across the room and knelt in a corner, took out a plastic baggy with Sulu's illegal shit in it, shoved it into his Vulcan pipe and finished it within two puffs and started rocking back and forth in the corner....

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** MY SMOL GAY SON IS NOW TRAUMATIZED BECAUSE OF ME OH GOD I FEEL HORRIBLE 

 

**marcusisaprick:** WELL YOU'RE NOW A SMOL GAY DAD SO HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?!

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** FINE, NO MORE STEAMY VULCAN SEX FOR YOU 

 

**plantsandfencing:** OH DEAR GOD HELP US ALL 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** I NEED BRAIN BLEACH 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** SECONDED

 

**klingonqween:** SAVE SOME FOR ME PLEASE

 

**boygenius:** AND ME I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT STEAMY VULCAN SEX TODAY

 

**plantsandfencing:** Honey, its Jim and Spocks wedding day today you're definitely going to hear about steamy Vulcan sex so.....

 

**boygenius:** fUCKING HELL

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** SPEAKING OF ONE OF THE SPACE DORKS WHERE THE HELL IS HE?!

 

**prettyboy:** Im with my HUSBAND AND WE'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD NOT SPEAK OF THIS RN UNTIL THE WEDDING IS OVER AND DONE WITH OKAY?!!!

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** Jim, you're on your desk sipping tea and looking at your PADD and Spock's nowhere in sight how are you "with him"???

 

**prettyboy:** ITS!!! CALLED!!! A!!! VULCAN!!! BOND!!! LEARN YOUR VULCAN VOODOO FACTS BONES 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** WELL YOU'RE MARRYING ONE SO I CAN JUST GO TO YOU SO HA

 

**plantsandfencing:** EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET'S GET A MOVE ON WITH THE WEDDING SHALL WE? 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** YES PLEASE NYOTA YOU MAY NOW TAKE OVER 

 

**klingonqween:** Thank you dear ALRIGHT LET'S GET THIS DAMN SHITSHOW ON THE FUCKING ROAD PEOPLE JIM, PUT YOUR SUIT AND THE HAIR AND MAKEUP PERSON SHOULD BE IN THERE SHORTLY. SAREK, CHRIS, AND SELIK GET YOUR FUCKING ACT TOGETHER BEFORE YOU OUT YOURSELVES TO THE ENTIRE FUCKING GALAXY. MONTY, HIKARU, AND PASHA MAKE SURE THE BRIDGE IS CLEAR OF ALL SHIT SO THAT WE CAN HAVE ROOM FOR EVERYTHING INCLUDING THE CHAIRS, THE AISLE, CANOPY, AND THE FLOWERS. THE RECEPTION WILL TAKE PLACE IN THE BANQUET HALL WHERE USUALLY FOREIGN DIGNITARIES ARE WINED AND DINED SO MAKE SURE THAT IS READY TO GO AS WELL. ALRIGHT PEOPLE LET'S MOVE IT

 

**prettyboy:** Hair and Makeup, really Ny-Ny? 

 

**klingonqween:** YES, and I bet Spock would agree with me on this matter ask him... plus you're the bride so....

 

**prettyboy:** I hate you. Tell the makeup artist to bring gold glitter eyeliner

 

**klingonqween:** ADSAFHSBIUQ WILL DO SHE'S ON HER WAY 

 

**marcusisaprick:** DAMN IS THIS WEDDING GOING TO BECOME A DRAG SHOW?!

 

**prettyboy:** Do you want to wear eyeliner with me? ;)))) 

 

**marcusisaprick:** NO.

 

**plantsandfencing:** DOITDOITDOIT

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** DO IT

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** DO IT

 

**boygenius:** DO IT

 

**pointyearedbastard:** DO IT YOU KINKY SHIT

 

**marcusisaprick:** WRHAT THE FUCK?! HOW AM I KINKY?!!

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** DO I NEED TO BRING UP LAST NIGHT CHRISTOPHER?! AND LARGE GREEN THINGS?!! YOU'RE KINKY AS FUCK SO DON'T SAY YOU AREN'T BC THAT IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT

 

**marcusisaprick:** FUCK YOU BOTH FINE I'LL DO IT 

 

**prettyboy:** YAY NOW COME OVER SO THAT THE MAKEUP LADY CAN DO IT 

 

**marcusisaprick:** FINE

 

**prettyboy: ONFLEEK.jpg**

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** HOLY SHIT I AM SO GAY RN BECAUSE OF THIS PIC 

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** SAME ASKDLDBBCK

 

**marcusisaprick:** I FEEL LIKE THE CLASSICAL ARTIST BEYONCE HOLY FUCK I FEEL GREAT

 

**prettyboy:** I BOUGHT THE LADY'S ENTIRE PACK OF DIFFERENT COLORED EYELINERS SO I CAN FEEL LIKE THIS EVERYDAY ON THE BRIDGE 

 

**klingonqween:** ASKLANXKKSN I MAY STEAL SOME 

 

**boygenius:** SAME OH MY FUCKING GOD THE CONTOUR IS ON POINT SLAY JIM. SLAY.

 

**plantsandfencing:** AND THE SUBTLE HINTS OF BRONZE EYESHADOW I CAN'T EVEN OH MY GOD SLAY 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** UM WEAR THAT EVERYDAY MAYBE?! 

 

**pointyearedbastard:** DAYUM 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** YOU'RE THE REASON WE'RE ALL ALIVE, BECAUSE YOU SLAY OTHERS SO FUCKING MUCH 

 

**prettyboy:** ABDKDNCKDLWNDNDKSZNDKFMDK I'M SO FUCKING EMO RN I'M CRYING I LOVE U ALL SOOOOOOOO MUCH NYOTA PLEASE TELL ME SPOCK IS GETTING HIS MAKEUP DONE TO THAT WOULD MAKE ME SWOON AND FAINT AT THE ALTAR

 

**klingonqween:** NOT TELLING ;;;))))) 

 

**prettyboy:** OH MY GOD ILYSM BONES YOU MAY HAVE TO PICK ME UP OFF OF THE FLOOR WHEN I SEE SPOCK HOLY SHIT I'M GONNA DIE 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** WE ALL ARE GOING TO DIE BUT WE HAVE LIKE 10 MINUTES UNTIL THIS SHITSHOW STARTS WHERE'S ARCHER SITTING?!!

 

**klingonqween:** HE'S LIKE IN THE BACK BACK AND ALL OF US ARE IN THE FRONT ROW SO YOU'RE FINE 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** THANK U ILY <3

 

**klingonqween:** ALRIGHT EVERYONE PLACES

 

**~0~**

 

**prettyboy:** HOLY SHIT I MIGHT FAINT SPOCK LOOKS SO HOT I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M MARRYING HIM OH MY GOD OH MY GOD FFFFFUUUUUCCCCKKKIIIIINNNGGG HHHHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** YAAAAASSSS SLAY THAT WALK MY LOVES 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** WE both love you too <333

 

**marcusisaprick:** HERE COMES THE BRIDE, DUN DUN DADUN

 

**klingonqween:** OH MY GOD JIM'S WEARING HEELS DID YOU SEE SPOCK'S FACE HE LOOKS SO BLOWN AWAY THAT HE'S MARRYING JIM I'M GONNA CRY 

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** EVERYONE SHUT UP THE VOWS ARE ABOUT TO START AND JIM GOES FIRST THEN SPOCK AND I'M GONNA CRY AND IDGAF IF I'M VULCAN OF NOT MY SON IS GETTING MARRIED

 

**pointyearedbastard:** "Spock, we've been oblivious fucks for a long time, and we've been chasing eachother for as long as we've known eachother, and now thanks to our meddling gay family, we've caught eachother, and now I never want to let you go. Ever. I've always been yours and I always will be. I will always love you Spock, I just hope that you can put up with me for the rest of our lives, if you'll have me, there's no other person I'd be with. I love you."

 

**plantsandfencing:** IM SOBBING THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL AND WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO SPOCK'S VOWS YET

 

**boygenius:** SHUT UP SPOCK'S STARTING AND HE'S GOT TEARS IN HIS EYES

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** "James, I have no way to even express the complete joy that my katra is filled with as we are both standing here, you complete me in every way, you are my rock, I can't even fathom living without you and I never want to. You are my T'hy'la, my love, the sun in my desolate mind, you are my soulmate, and I will always cherish you from this day until my last. I hope to grow our family into something more beautiful then it already is, I want us to grow old together, and to live every moment like it's our last, and I want to always have you by my side as I shall always have you by my own. Taluhk Nash-veh K'dular T'hy'la, forever and always."

 

**klingonqween:** NO. DID JIM JUST SAY WHAT I THINK HE SAID 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** HOLY SHIT SPOCK JUST DROPPED DOWN ONTO HIS KNEES IN FRONT OF JIM AND PUT HIS HANDS ON JIM'S STOMACH SO I'M GONNA TAKE THAT AS A YES

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** IM GONNA BE A GRANDFATHER I'M SOBBING I CAN'T BELIEVE IT

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** JIM AND SPOCK ARE NOW JUST HUGGING AND KISSING AND SOBBING AND PUTTING BOTH OF THEIR HANDS ON JIM'S STOMACH AND EVERYONE'S JUST SOBBING INCLUDING ARCHER, WHOM I THOUGHT HAD NO SOUL 

 

**pointyearedbastard:** AND THE CEREMONY HASN'T FINISHED YET 

 

**plantsandfencing:** YEAH BECAUSE CHRIS IS SOBBING AND HE CAN'T SPEAK BECAUSE HE'S SO HAPPY 

 

**boygenius:** okay, NOW he can talk again but we're all still sobbing uncontrollably because of these emotions 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** OH MY GOD BOTH OF THE RINGS SAY "FOREVER AND ALWAYS" FUCK I'M JUST GOING TO GO SOB IN A CORNER AND NEVER COME OUT 

 

**klingonqween:** **tearsstreamingdownallofourcheeks.jpg**

 

**klingonqween:** WE ARE FRAMING THIS I NEVER WANT TO FORGET THIS MOMENT 

 

**marcusisaprick:** AGREED 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** IM SO HAPPY RN I JUST MARRIED THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND HE IS CARRYING MY CHILD THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

 

**prettyboy:** Try Children, plural

 

**plantsandfencing:** AJSKDKDBCIDNDOWNSISNDBKPWPKNBJSOWMSBSLSOSKSOWNSBK WHAT?!!!

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** NO FUCKING WAY 

 

**boygenius:** IM JUMPING UP AND DOWN RN

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** IM SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY

 

**marcusisaprick:** SAME I'M GOING TO BE A GRANDFATHER OH MY GOD

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE I LOVE YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH MY T'HY'LA YOU BRING OUT THE BEST IN ME AND I KNOW YOU WILL BE THE BEST FATHER FOR OUR CHILDREN BECAUSE YOU CARE ABOUT OTHERS AND YOU ARE SELFLESS AND KIND AND WILL ALWAYS BE PROTECTIVE OF OTHERS I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOKK MUCH I WONDER IF IT'S ENOUGH FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU DESERVE MORE THAN I CAN GIVE YOU BUT I SHALL TRY TO BE THE BEST HUSBAND AND FATHER I CAN BE <333333333333333

 

**klingonqween:** THIS IS ALL SOOOO EMO I MIGHT START CRYING AGAIN

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** YOU STOPPED CRYING?!!! 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** THEIR FIRST DANCE IS STARTING I WONDER WHAT SONG THEY PICKED

 

**pointyearedbastard:** FUCK IT'S "THINKING OUT LOUD" BY ED SHEERAN OH MY GOD

 

**klingonqween: SOBBING.jpg**

 

**plantsandfencing:** I CAN'T EVEN TALK I'M SPEECHLESS ABOUT HOW EMO THAT CEREMONY WAS AND YET WE STILL HAVE LIKE FIVE HOURS LEFT SO I'M JUST GONNA STEAL THE ENTERPRISE'S ENTIRE SUPPLY OF TISSUES AND MOP MYSELF OFF OF THE FLOOR FROM THE POOL OF MY OWN TEARS 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** SAME NOW LET'S CELEBRATE THE HAPPY SPACE DORK COUPLE TO DRINKING OUR ASSES OFF BECAUSE JIM CAN'T HAVE ANY LIQUOR BECAUSE HE CARRYING MULTIPLE HOBGOBLINS INSIDE OF HIM

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** I AGREE WITH THAT SOMEONE BRING OUT THE LIQUOR AND BY THAT I MEAN THE ILLEGAL SHIT

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** LET'S DRINK

 

**~0~**

 

**Three Hours Later....**

 

 

**klingonqween:** HOKY SITH ARCHER'S HAIRPIECE IS COMING OFF AND IT'S EXPOSING HIS BALD SPOT OH MY GOD

 

**pointyearedbastard:** CN HOKY SITH BECOME A MEME?

 

**klingonqween:** AJSKESLWOSNDISKWNSJSKSNSKS YES

 

**plantsandfencing:** IS ARCHER DOING A STRIPTEASE FOR CHRIS?!!!

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** IM GONNA KILL ARCHER FOR TOUCHING ONE MY BOYFRIENDS, AND STRIPPING IN FRONT OF HIM

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** IM HUNGRY 

 

**klingonqween:** LEO YOU JUST HAD TWO BURGERS, A HALF POUND OF FF AND A HUGE ICED TEA AND YOU'RE STILL HUNGRY?!!! WTF

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** I GET HUNGRY WHEN IDRINK NYOTA OHMYGOD

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** SAREK'S GETTING INTO A CATFIGHT WITH ARCHER OVER CHRIS SOMEONE GET THIS ON VIDEO NOW

 

**pointyearedbastard:** ALREADY ON IT 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** U DA VULCAN SELIK <3333

 

**klingonqween:** IM GOING TO BED I NEED SOMEONE TO CARRY ME

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** COMING I'M TIRED 2 SO WE'RE CALLINGG IT A NIGHT LEO DON'T STAY UP 2 LATE WITH THE CRAZY VULCANS AND ADMIRALS

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** LUV U ALL GAYNIGHT EVERYBODY <3333333

 

**pointyearedbastard:** GAYNIGHT NY-NY <3333

 

**plantsandfencing:** GAYNIGHT

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** GAYNIGHT DON'T HAVE SEX WITHOUT ME!!!!

 

**klingonqween:** WE WON'T

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** GAYNIGHT MY LOVES <33333

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Archer Is A Pain In The Ass, And Spock's A Weave Snatcher™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHTY THEN THE LAST TIME WE LEFT OFF THERE WAS A SHITSHOW OF A WEDDING AND WE FOUND OUT JIM WAS KNOCKED UP WITH MORE THAN ONE VULCAN BABIES, AND ARCHER AND SAREK GOT INTO A CATFIGHT OVER CHRIS.....
> 
> Also I have decided to post once a week because school is killing me and the world is a bitch but I will always update once a week unless I tell you otherwise!!! Have Fun!!!

You _have entered the group_ **'ALL HAIL SAREK THE ROAST GOD'**

 

**plantsandfencing:** CAN WE ALL JUST PRAISE JIM FOR CONVINCING THE DEMON THAT IS ADMIRAL ARCHER TO GIVE US THREE WEEKS OF SHORE LEAVE 

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** #praisehim 

 

**boygenius:** #praisehim

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** #praisehim

 

**klingonqween:** #praisehim

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** #praisehim

 

**pointyearedbastard:** #praisehim

 

**marcusisaprick:** #praisehim

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** #praisehim #thatsmyhubby #ilovehimsofuckingmuch

 

**prettyboy:** OMG I'M SO EMO ILYSM I'M CRYING <33333 HOKY SITH I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT YOU ALL 

 

**plantsandfencing:** doesn't anyone wonder what tf we'd be doing with our lives if we all didn't know eachother

 

**klingonqween:** we would all probably be dead because we would not be exposed to the amount of gayness that we have been exposed to through this toxic gay family......

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** SHE SPEAKS THE TRUTH

 

**prettyboy:** OH FUCK NO

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** SHE SPEAKS THE TRUTH JIM HOW CAN YOU SAY NO TO THAT?!!

 

**prettyboy:** I DIDN'T GET TO FUCKING FINISH, I'M SAYING OH FUCK NO BC ARCHER JUST MESSAGED ME AND HE WANTS TO BE LET IN THE CHAT IDK ABOUT THIS GUYS SHOUKD I OR NOT?!!

 

**pointyearedbastard:** WHAT THE FUKC DOES HE WANT ANYWAYS

 

**prettyboy:** HE WANTS TO GO OVER SOME STARFLEET SHIT WITH US B4 WE LEAVE

 

**marcusisaprick:** FUCKING FINE LET HIM IN BUT CHANGE THE GROUP NAME FIRST 

 

**plantsandfencing:** FINE GOD DAMNIT

 

**plantsandfencing** _has changed the group name to_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

**boygenius:** I don't think that's appropriate for Archer to see 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** he can fucking deal with it and if I have to snatch his ugly ass fake weave off of his head I will 

 

**ihaveagayvulcan: PRIDEISNOTTHEWORDIMLOOKINGFOR.jpg**

 

**prettyboy: WEAVESNATCHERSPOCKREPORTINGFORDUTY.jpg**

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** ALRIGHT I WILL START DYING EVEN BEFORE ARCHER GETS IN HERE IF YOU ALL KEEP IT UP

 

**marcusisaprick:** LET HIM IN NOW SO THAT WE CAN GET THIS OVER WITH AND RETURN TO OUR COMPLETELY COMPLEX GAY LIVES 

 

**prettyboy:** FINE

 

**prettyboy** _has added_ **admrlarcher** _to the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

**admrlarcher:** Should I be worried about the name Capitan Kirk?

 

**prettyboy:** honestly sir, it's your call and if I may sir, it's now Capitan Spock-Kirk

 

**admrlarcher:** I'm sure your Vulcan will not mind Captain, now who all is in here? 

 

**klingonqween:** me

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** me

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** me

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** me

 

**pointyearedbastard:** me

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** me

 

**marcusisaprick:** me

 

**admrlarcher:** tell me your real names for the love of God 

 

**klingonqween:** Uhura

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** McCoy

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** Scott

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** Ambassador Sarek

 

**pointyearedbastard:** Ambassador Selik or Elder Spock

 

**marcusisaprick:** Pike

 

**plantsandfencing:** Sulu

 

**boygenius:** Chekov

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** Jim's Vulcan, who will snatch your weave if necessary....

 

 

**~0~**

 

_1 new message from_ **T'hy'la**

 

**T'hy'la:** I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOO FUCKING MUCH JUST BE PATIENT SWEETHEART YOU CAN SNATCH HIS WEAVE SOON BUT WE HAVE TO MAKE SURE THAT ARCHER WON'T TAKE AWAY SHORE LEAVE FROM US 

 

**You:** Fine. Only for you Ashayam <3

 

**T'hy'la:** You have no idea how much I want to start our honeymoon early.....

 

**You:** I actually have a really good idea ashaya, now we must get back to the shitshow that is the main GC, I promise I won't snatch Archer's weave, yet.

 

**T'hy'la:** <3

 

 

**~0~**

 

_You have entered the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 

**admrlarcher:** Alright I'll just get straight to the point there's a catch to the three week shore leave I've given you all 

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** Fuck.

 

**pointyearedbastard:** Godfucking Damnit

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** What is the shit that you're making us do?

 

**klingonqween:** Can I just say that I am now on the floor of the bridge because I fell out of my chair laughing after seeing this......

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** SAME I FELL OFF OF THE TOP OF THE WARP CORE CONTAINER LAUGHING AFTER READING THIS....

 

**prettyboy:** SCOTTY WTF THE FUCK?!!! 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL THEM  

 

**boygenius:** YOMAYOL

 

**plantsandfencing:** SCOTTY I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD WHY DO YOU DO THIS?!!!

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** HONESTLY SCOTTY GET A HOLD OF YOUR DAMN SELF #takecareofScotty2k248

 

**klingonqween:** ONE OF MY BELOVED PARTNERS HOW ARE THEY?!!!

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** NYOTA MY DEAR LOVE I'M FINE

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** LIKE HELL YOU ARE, YOU BROKE TWO RIBS WHEN YOU FELL AND YOU HAVE A CONCUSSION, YOU'RE LUCKY YOU DIDN'T CRUSH YOUR SKULL BECAUSE YOU LANDED ON YOUR ILLEGAL LIQUOR STILL

 

**klingonqween:** NO MORE SEX FOR YOU FOR A WEEK 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** AGAIN?!!

 

**klingonqween:** YES!!!

 

**marcusisaprick:** SHIT ARCHER'S STILL IN HERE ISN'T HE

 

**admrlarcher:** Yes......

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** FUCK

 

**pointyearedbastard:** FUCK

 

**plantsandfencing:** well at the very least thank god the elders didn't out themselves

 

**marcusisaprick:** HIKARU ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!!

 

**plantsandfencing:** FUCK 

 

**pointyearedbastard:** GOD FUCKING DAMNIT HIKARU

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** CAN YOU NOT SAY ANYTHING FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES SO THAT I CAN CALM DOWN AND NOT ROAST YOUR ASS 

 

**plantsandfencing:** DEAL

 

**prettyboy:** I NEED A DRINK, PREFERABLY SOME FROM SCOTTY'S ILLEGAL STILL IN ENGINEERING, THAT SHIT'S STRONG AS FUCK 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** I NEED SOME OF THAT MIXED WITH CHOCOLATE

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** SAME

 

**pointyearedbastard:** SAME 

 

**marcusisaprick:** SAME 

 

**prettyboy:** COME WITH ME AND WHOEVER WAS ABOUT TO MAKE A SEX JOKE ABOUT THAT DON'T DO IT 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** DAMNIT, AFTER THE STILL CAN WE GO TO THE GREENHOUSE?!

 

**prettyboy:** ASJDLDNEOXNX YOU READ MY MIND HONEY

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** YAY EVERYONE COME TO ENGINEERING AND THEN WE'RE HEADING TO THE GREENHOUSE

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** YAAAAASSSS

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** CAN I COME WITH?!!

 

**klingonqween:** YES MY LOVE 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** FUCK, ARCHER'S STILL HERE ISN'T HE?!!

 

**admrlarcher:** Yes....... and you know what, I'm just gonna tell you that in order to have the 3 week shore leave you have to host a diplomatic dinner on the Enterprise tomorrow evening, for the Romulan and Klingon Ambassadors. Now if you will excuse me I need to send a report to StarFleet HQ. Good day Capitan, Commander, Lieutenant, Doctor, Lieutenant, Lieutenant, Ensign, Admiral, Ambassador, Ambassador....

 

**admrlarcher** _has left the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**  

 

 

**plantsandfencing:** FUCK DO YOU THINK ARCHER'S GOING TO EXPOSE US?!!!

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:**  if he tries to I'll just let him fuck Chris and then we'll be all good 

 

**marcusisaprick:**  WHR WHAT THE FUCK?!! I AM NOT FUCKING ARCHER?!!

 

**pointyearedbastard:**  YES YOU WILL IF ALL OF OUR CAREERS ARE AT STAKE 

 

**prettyboy:**  #makechrisfuckarcher2k248

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:**  YES

 

**boygenius:**  WE ALL AGREE WITH THIS HASHTAG

 

**marcusisaprick:**  I WAS ROOTING FOR ALL OF YOU THE WHOLE GALAXY WAS ROOTING FOR ALL OF YOU 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:**  yeah but who in this GC gives a fuck about the galaxy liking us?.....

 

**marcusisaprick:** UM I DO

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:**  BULLSHIT

 

**pointyearedbastard:**   I CALL BULLSHIT ON MY BOYFRIEND 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:**  WE ALL CALL BULLSHIT ON YOUR BOYFRIEND

 

**marcusisaprick:** I FEEL SO ATTACKED RN 

 

**plantsandfencing:**  THAT'S BC YOU ARE BEING ATTACKED YOU DUMB FUCK WE'RE ALL CALLING YOU ON YOUR BULLSHIT

 

**marcusisaprick:**  I'M LEAVING 

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:**  BYYYYYEEEEEEE

 

**Imsofuckingdone:**  BOOOOO YOU WHORE YOU CANNOT LEAVE

 

**marcusisaprick:**  WATCH ME REGINA GEORGE 

 

 

**marcusisaprick**   _has left the group_   **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 

**prettyboy:** FUCK HE REALLY DID IT 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:**  SOMEONE BRING HIM BACK 

 

**pointyearedbastard:** FINE UGH 

 

**prettyboy:** DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DONT MISS HIM SELIK 

 

**pointyearedbastard**   _has added_ **marcusisaprick** _to the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 

**marcusisaprick:** I HATE YOU ALL 

 

**prettyboy:** <33333

 

**klingonqween:** <333333

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** <333333

 

**plantsandfencing:** <333333

 

**boygenius:** <33333

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** <333333

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** <333333

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** <333333

 

**pointyearedbastard:** <333333333

 

**marcusisaprick:** UGH I LOVE YOU ALL TOO <33333 

 

**boygenius:** we are all SO GAY

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** AND WE LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT<3333

 

** prettyboy: **  Petition to have "Boo You Whore" become another one of Spock's catchphrases

 

** hypowieldingmaniac: **  AMSNDBDKCNDKWND YES I SIGN THIS PETITION FOR THE ENTIRE GAY WORLD TO SEE

 

** klingonqween: **  AYE GET IT REGINA GEORGE THE Weave Snatcher™ 

 

** ihaveagayvulcan: **  because we all know that when you make a shit decision or when he thinks you made a shit decision Spock (AKA Regina George) is silently judging you, cussing you out, and/or wanting to just throw you off of the ship and send you somewhere where he doesn't have to worry about you anymore while citing regulations like they're nothing

 

** prettyboy:  ** I speak from experience from all of those ppl. Rememeber ashayam?

 

** Imsofuckingdone: **  I. WANT. A. DIVORCE.

 

** prettyboy: **  BOO YOU WHORE YOU'RE STUCK WIT ME SO SUCK IT 

 

** prettyboy: **  actually that gives me an idea 

 

** hypowieldingmaniac: **  OH FUCK NO 

 

** Imsofuckingdone: **  coming. 

 

** madpersonwithawrench: **  ARE THEY REALLY GOING TO DO WHAT WE THINK THEY'RE GONNA DO

 

** Imsofuckingdone: **  FUCK 

 

** prettyboy: **  HOLY SHIT YES SPOCK YES

 

** marcusisaprick: **  I'm gonna take that as a yes 

 

** boygenius: **  how are they texting?

 

** plantsandfencing: **  Honey

 

** pointyearedbastard: **  do you really want to know....

 

** boygenius: **  NO I CHANGED MY MIND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW 

 

** ihaveagayvulcan: **  I DONT WANT TO SEE THIS 

 

** klingonqween: **  ADIOS MY GAY FAM 

 

** hypowieldingmaniac: **  I CANT DEAL WITH THIS RN 

 

** plantsandfencing: **  NOBODY CAN.....

 

** klingonqween: **  BYEEEEEE

 

 

 


	7. SPACE LESBIAN ROAST FEST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GET READY FOR A ROAST FEST, KLINGONS, ROMULANS, AND SPACE LESBIANS!!! 
> 
> ifuckgurls: Carol 
> 
> imdrunk: Christine

_You have entered the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** SHIT SHIT SHIT

 

 **prettyboy:** bby it's four in the fucking morning why are you up, I thought you wore us both out enough last night 

 

 **klingonqween:** what the fuck is going on rn @ four in the damn morning

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** don't talk about your sex lives in here Jim please and also tf?

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** EVERYONE READ ARCHER'S LAST MESSAGE BEFORE HE LEFT AND YOU'LL FEEL THE SAME WAY

 

 **prettyboy:** NO OH MY GOD HOKY SITH WHY GOD WHY?!!!

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** FUCK NO 

 

 **klingonqween:** SHIIIIIITTTTTT

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** WHAT

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** THE

 

 **marcusisaprick:** FUCK 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** I CAN'T EVEN COMPREHEND WHAT TF TO DO RN 

 

 **boygenius:** FUCK

 

 

**marcusisaprick** _has added_ **admrlarcher** _to the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** Jon, really? Klingons and fucking Romulans?!!

 

 **admrlarcher:** Took you long enough Chris

 

  **marcusisaprick:** you know what? Fuck you 

 

**admrlarcher: starfleethatesyou.jpg**

 

**marcusisaprick: imnottheonlypersonstarfleethates.jpg**

 

 **plantsandfencing:** oh shit is this a roast fest I'm so here for this

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** YES OH MY GOD I AM PRESENT FOR THIS 

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** GET IT BBY <3

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** I haven't seen a roasting session in so long I need this 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Present to see Archer shoved on a stick and roasted over an open flame 

 

 **prettyboy:** ^^^^

 

 **klingonqween:** ^^^^^^^

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** hold up a minute 

 

 

 **pointyearedbastard** _has changed the group name to_ **'The Great Roast Fest Of Admiral J. Archer'**

 

****

**Imsofuckingdone:** YESI LOVE THIS 

 

 **admrlarcher:** I CAN TAKE ANY SINGLE ONE OF YOU C O M E A T M E 

 

 **prettyboy:** Then you won't mind me adding a couple of ppl to this roast fest 

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** OH MY GOD YES I KNOW WHO 

 

 **klingonqween:** SAME I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** WHO TF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!!!

 

 **prettyboy:** you'll see

 

**~0~**

 

_You have entered the group_ **'BOSS ASS SLAYERS'**

 

 

 **prettyboy:** WAZ UP MY FELLOW BOSS ASS SLAYERS 

 

 **ifuckgurls:** MY SMOL LITTLE BROTHER HOW ARE YOU?!

 

 **imdrunk:** YAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS JIMMY 

 

 **prettyboy:** I'M AMAZING BUT I NEED YOUR HELP THOUGH

 

 **ifuckgurls:** WHAT DO YOU NEED, DRUGS? SOMEONE TO TEACH SPOCK BLOWJOB LESSONS? 

 

 **imdrunk:** I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE FOR THAT ACTIVITY 

 

 **ifuckgurls:** CHRISTINE SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU HAVE NO SAY IN THAT SO DONT EVEN GO THERE 

 

 **prettyboy:** OH MY GOD I'M YODELING BUT SULU'S GOT PLENTY OF ILLEGAL SHIT AND SPOCK'S LIKE INDESCRIBABLY AMAZING IN THE BJ DEPARTMENT BUT WE'LL TALK ABOUT THAT LATER BUT I NEED YOUR HELP TO ROAST ARCHER HE THINKS HE'S BETTER AT ROASTING THAN ANYBODY ELSE AND HE THINKS HE CAN TAKE ON ANYONE SO I NEED YOU TO HELP EVERY ONE KICK HIS ASS

 

 **imdrunk:** YES OH MY GOD YES

 

 **ifuckgurls:** I WOULD BE FUCKING DELIGHTED 

 

 **prettyboy:** YAY I'LL ADD YOU NOW

 

 

_You have left the group_ **'BOSS ASS SLAYERS'**

 

**~0~**

 

_You have entered the group_ **'The Great Roast Fest Of Admiral J. Archer'**

 

**prettyboy** _has added_ **ifuckgurls** _and_ **imdrunk** _to the group_ **'The Great Roast Fest Of Admiral J. Archer'**

 

 

 **ifuckgurls:** WAZ UP MY STRAIGHT FAMILY

 

 **ifuckgurls:** JK WE'RE ALL SOOOOOOO GAY I DON'T KNOW HOW WE'RE NOT SHITTING RAINBOWS 

 

**plantsandfencing:** **SHITTINGRAINBOWS.jpg**

 

 **ifuckgurls:** HIKAAAAAAAARRRRRUUUUUU

 

 **plantsandfencing:** CAAAAARRRRRROOOOOOOLLLLLL 

 

 **imdrunk:** eh HEM.....

 

 **plantsandfencing:** CHRIIIIIIISSSSSSTTTTTTIIIINNNNNNNEE

 

 **imdrunk:** KARU MY SMOL GAY SON HOW ARE YOU

 

 **plantsandfencing:** tf I'm not ur son

 

 **plantsandfencing:** jk mommy how are you 

 

 **imdrunk:** I'm good, I'm fucking Carol like everyday so I'm good.

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** HO SHIT

 

 **ifuckgurls:** NOW WHERE'S THE DISGUSTING ASSHOLE THAT IS ARCHER 

 

 **admrlarcher:** FUCK

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** JIM I HAVE NEVER LOVED YOU MORE THAN IN THIS MOMENT 

 

 **klingonqween:** ^^^^^

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** ^^^^^^

 

 **boygenius:** ^^^^^^

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** ^^^^^

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** ^^^^^^^^^^^

 

 **admrlarcher:** I can take you both C O M E A T M E 

 

 **ifuckgurls:** OH REALLY WELL I GUESS I'LL JUST GET RIGHT TO IT THEN 

 

 **prettyboy:** YAAAAASSSS I AM LIVING FOR THIS MOMENT 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** SLAY CAROL, SLAY. 

 

 **ifuckgurls:** Okay then first off how tf are you even in StarFleet? You failed the course requirements and you didn't do any of the course work in the process but you are now one of the head admirals and you say you've grown over the years but pretty much everyone knows that you're still the shittiest person EVER and you don't give a flying fuck about any one else but yourself. My father has called you a dumb-ass and the most idiotic person he's ever met in his entire life and quite frankly, (although I hate to admit....) I agree with him, Archer you're not just a shitty person, you're the DEFINITION of a shitty person look it up in the dictionary although here I'll do it for you.... Shitty Person (n) Definition: Admiral Jonathan Archer, Example Sentence: Admiral Jonathan Archer is the shittiest person you will ever meet.... Everyone in StarFleet hates you Jon, just admit it.... 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** HOKY SITH 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** DAYUMM CAROL

 

 **ifuckgurls:** And I'm not even done yet...

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** OH SHIT

 

 **ifuckgurls:** Second point to be made is your actual appearance...... I can't even begin to explain how disgusting you look walking down the corridors at StarFleet HQ...

 

 **ifuckgurls:** You look like Donald Trump and Les Grossman from Tropic Thunder had a love child that they abandoned for someone else to find...

 

 **ifuckgurls:** And your hair is as greasy as a fryer from McDonald's that they haven't changed out the oil from in like a decade

 

 **ifuckgurls:** seriously stop using hair gel it's not the 1990's anymore it 2248 get a life coach and a new hair stylist whose great ancestor didn't work with Adolf Hitler and/or Russel Brand in his later years....

 

 **ifuckgurls:** kay I'm done who's next in line 

 

 **klingonqween:** DAMN. JUST. DAMN

 

 **imdrunk:** I CALL GOING NEXT 

 

 **admrlarcher:** LEAVE ME ALONE

 

 **imdrunk:** NEVER

 

 **imdrunk:** Okay, first off you never are on time for your medical check up, and when you do come in you have some sort of an STD that we have to get rid of EVERY. FUCKING. TIME.

 

 **imdrunk:** do you honestly think that everyone's a fucktoy for you to play with, because with a dick THAT small I don't think anyone would want to fuck you.... 

 

 **imdrunk:** plus I can smell the fake ass pheromones that you try to put on to make the nurses fuck you and none of us fall for it....

 

 **imdrunk:** WE GET IT YOU THINK YOU HAVE A BIG DICK

 

 **imdrunk:** and don't even say you have the hickeys to prove you actually fucked people, we can tell when you've either burned yourself with a curling iron or you made out with yourself..... 

 

 **imdrunk:** and please for the love of God stop trying to make your lips look all swollen from just sucking face with someone

 

 **imdrunk:** I KNOW that you're just using the Kylie Jenner lip trick that doesn't really work it goes down within like ten minutes 

 

 **imdrunk:** mkay I think I'm done now...

 

 **prettyboy:** HOKY SITH

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** WH O POING 

 

 **klingonqween:** THAT WAS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL

 

 **plantsandfencing:** YOU TWO GIVE ME LIFE 

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** SPACE LESBIAN ROASTS ARE NOW MY FAV THING TO SEE

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** I'M CRYING 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** I'M DYINGG

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** ^^^^

 

 **marcusisaprick:** I CAN'T EVEN.....

 

 **boygenius:** I HAVE NO WORDS FOR THIS....

 

**admrlarcher** _has left the group_ **'The Great Roast Fest Of Admiral J. Archer'**

 

**prettyboy:** TO COMMEMORATE THIS BLESSED DAY OF THE ROASTING ADMIRAL ARCHER I HEARBY PROCLAIM A HAMILTON FEST ON THIS DAY EVERY YEAR.... INCLUDING TONIGHT EVERYONE COME TO MINE AND SPOCK'S QUARTERS WE HAVE COSTUMES

 

 **ifuckgurls:** YESSSSSS I CALL PEGGY

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** ELIZA

 

 **marcusisaprick:** WASHINGTON

 

 **plantsandfencing:** HERCULES

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** LAFAYETTE

 

 **boygenius:** MADISON

 

 **klingonqween:** ANGELICA

 

 **imdrunk:** BURR

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** I FUCKING CALL LAURENS

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** JEFFERSON

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** KG3 

 

 **prettyboy:** YAYA I GET HAMILTON ALRIGHT EVERYONE MEET ME IN 20 MINUTES AND I WILL START WITHOUT YOU....

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** WE'RE COMING

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** SAME.

 

 **imdrunk:** ^^^^^ 

 

 **prettyboy:** ALRIGHT Y'ALL LET'S GET THIS SHIT SHOW STARTED 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** I BROUGHT ILLEGAL SHIT

 

 **klingonqween:** YAYA

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** LET'S DO THIS 

 

 


	8. MY VULCANCONDA DON'T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT LOGIC SON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FUCK IT'S BEEN TOO LONG SINCE I POSTED YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO ROAST ME IN THE COMMENTS FOR BEING REALLY FUCKING LATE 
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter is also for Geritashipper123 for one of the best fucking comments I have been graced to read. I LOVE YOU ALL <3333
> 
>  
> 
> This IS a current story that will hopefully never end and the day that it will end will be the day Hell freezes over, there may be delays in between weeks but I will never leave you hanging for a month ever again and somewhere I got over 1000 hits and I'm almost at 100 kudos and I'm freaking out because I never thought this little group chat fic of mine would be like by so many people but THANK YOU ALL!!!! I also love reading your comments so feel free to share your thoughts below!!! I LOVE YOU ALL THANKS FOR READING!!!!

 

_You have entered the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

**klingonqween:** question, WHY ARE SPOCK, SAREK, AND SELIK DANCING TO THE 21ST CENTURY TERRAN ARTIST NICKI MINAJ IN THE MIDDLE OF JIM'S QUARTERS?!!!

 

**prettyboy:** I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE 

 

**plantsandfencing:** WHY ARE THEY TWERKING 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** AND WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?!!

 

**ifuckgurls:** I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE 

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** MY VULCANCONDA DON'T

 

**pointyearedbastard:** MY VULCANCONDA DON'T

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** MY VULCANCONDA DON'T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT LOGIC SON 

 

**prettyboy:** I think we just got our answer for what they were saying but Spock, my T'hy'la, the love of my life I have one simple question for you.... What the actual fuck are you doing rapping Nicki Minaj's Anaconda with Sarek and Selik and grinding up on everyone in the process?!

 

**marcusisaprick:** I find myself asking the same question to my boyfriends....

 

**pointyearedbastard:** BECAUSE ANACONDA IS AWESOME BUT WE JUST CHANGED THE WORDS AROUND TO FIT VULCAN STANDARDS

 

**imdrunk:** I NEED PROOF OF THIS INCIDENT I WAS NOT THERE IN THAT WEIRD AF MOMENT 

 

**boygenius: fuckinglogicson.jpg VULCANSANDTHEIRLOGIC.jpg**

 

**imdrunk:** HOKY SITH I'M DYING AND PASHA YOU ARE NOW MY SON.... I'M ADOPTING YOU 

 

**klingonqween:** CHRISTINE CHAPEL YOU CAN NOT HAVE MY PASHA I HAVE ALREADY A DOPTED HIM SO U CAN'T FUKING TAKE HIM FROM ME YOU BITCH

 

**imdrunk: fiteme.jpg** C O M E A T M E B I T C H 

 

**klingonqween:** I'M COMIN FOR YA 

 

**prettyboy:** 10 BUCKS ON NYOTA

 

**ifuckgurls:** 20 ON CHRISTINE

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** 30 ON MY FAKE WIFE 

 

**plantsandfencing:** 10 FOR CHRISTINE

 

**marcusisaprick:** well that was anticlimactic

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** what happened

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** they went to go fight eachother but they both passed out on top of eachother 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** aaaaannnnnnndddddd Jim just passed out on top of me 

 

**plantsandfencing:** same with Pasha

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** tbh I'm taking a picture of Spock and Jim cuddling the bed for Nyota..... they both look so adorable rn I can't help it 

 

**ifuckgurls:** OOOOOOOOHHH send it to me!!

 

**madpersonwithawrench: vulcancuddles.jpg**

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** THAT is my new screensaver on my PADD 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** tbh same Jim looks adorable in it now gaynight I'm going to sleep 

 

**pointyearedbastard:** same

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** im out 

 

**~0~**

 

 

**14 Hours Later @ 01600.....**

 

 

**prettyboy:** FUCK EVERYBODY UP WE HAVE TO GET READY 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** ready for WHAT?!!

 

**prettyboy:** THE KLINGON AND ROMULAN AMBASSADORS ARE GOING TO BE HERE IN LIKE 45 MINUTES

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** SHIT

 

**klingonqween:** FUCK

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** FUCK 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** FML RN

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** FUCK ALL OF OUR LIVES RN 

 

**marcusisaprick:** FUCK ARCHER THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY 

 

**pointyearedbastard:** I AGREE WITH THAT STATEMENT

 

**plantsandfencing:** HOW MUCH TIME DO WE HAVE LEFT?!!

 

**boygenius:** LIKE 10 FUCKING MINUTES EVERYBODY RUN TO THE TRANSPORTER ROOM 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** WHICH TRANSPORTER ROOM?!

 

**prettyboy:** ROOM 2 EVERYBODY RUN LIKE YOUR CAREER DEPENDS ON IT.... BECAUSE IT DOES

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** why does the Romulan Ambassador have to be a woman.... and not only a woman but a woman that flirts with me 

 

**ifuckgurls:** say you're gay it's that easy...

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** I HAVE.... MULTIPLE TIMES EVEN.....

 

**prettyboy:** CAN SHE NOT TAKE A FUCKING HINT I MEAN HELLO YOU HAVE A RING ON YOUR FINGER!!!

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** the Klingon Ambassador has now threatened to eat me no less than three times fml

 

**pointyearedbastard:** there is a reason that Klingons, Romulans, and Vulcans don't get along AT ALL with eachother...

 

**marcusisaprick:** I think the Romulan Ambassador and her adviser are double teaming to both get Jim and Spock to screw them tonight......

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** OML DID YOU SEE WHAT JUST HAPPENED!!

 

**imdrunk:** WHAT TF HAPPENED

 

**plantsandfencing:** so Jim and the Romulan Ambassador's adviser were just talking AKA the adviser was flirting with Jim and Jim was just deflecting every coy remark she threw at him before Spock and the Romulan Ambassador walk over to Jim and the Adviser and the Adviser tries to kiss Jim while the Ambassador is just smirking to the side before Spock growls pushes the Adviser to the ground and practically sucks Jim's face off in a make out session using their hands and their faces while the Ambassador and her Adviser just stare dumbfounded and disappointed at the other two making out before Spock stops turns to them and growls  _mine_ to both women before running off with Jim to probably fuck him quick and dirty in a supply closet.....

 

**klingonqween:** are we surprised in the least?

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** no... plus neither of the two women could take a fucking hint about them being married and all 

 

**boygenius:** tru though...... does anyone else think that replicated Klingon food is fucking disgusting?

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** I hate it so much it makes me want to puke everywhere 

 

**imdrunk:** same..... the Romulan food is better though

 

**prettyboy:** not as good as the Vulcan cuisine, the Plomeek soup is pretty close to an actual version..

 

**boygenius:** I'm done mom can we go?

 

**klingonqween:** not yet we still have to dance with some of the dignitaries though....

 

**ifuckgurls:** damnit..... I got the Klingon thats touchy feely and basically groped me during the meal.....

 

**prettyboy:** haha 

 

**ifuckgurls:** fuk u Kirk 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:**  he can't.... I'm already fucking him...

 

**plantsandfencing:** WHO POING

 

**imdrunk:** don't worry Carol this loyal hoe will always be there for you to ruin

 

**ifuckgurls:** there is a reason I have this username and this moment just validated it....

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** did the Klingon Ambassador just ask Sarek and Selik why Vulcans have logic.....

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** And why did they just give eachother a look 

 

**boygenius:** WHY IS SAREK WALKNG OVER TO THE DJ WHAT IS HE ASKING HIM?!!!

 

**prettyboy:** I THINK WE KNOW BECAUSE SPOCK JUST WALKED OVER TO SELIK AND SAREK 

 

**klingonqween:** SHIT 

 

**ifuckgurls:** DEJA FUCKING VU 

 

**imdrunk:** I'M SCARED

 

**plantsandfencing:** I'M FUCKING TERRIFIED

 

**klingonqween:** THE SONG IS PLAYING EVERYONE HIDE BUT SOMEONE TAKE A VIDEO

 

**prettyboy:** HERE WE FUCKING GO

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** MY VULCANCONDA DON'T

 

**pointyearedbastard:** MY VULCANCONDA DON'T

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** MY VULCANCONDA DON'T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT LOGIC SON

 

**ifuckgurls:** OML LOOK AT THE AMBASSADORS FACES I'M SCREAMING 

 

**plantsandfencing:** AND CHRIS AND JIM BOTH HAVE THEIR HEADS IN THEIR HANDS SITTING DOWN PROBABLY THINKING 'WHY AM I IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH CRAZY AF VULCANS'

 

**klingonqween:** YAY IT'S OVER NOW WE HAVE THREE WEEKS OF SHORE LEAVE 

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** I need a bong and some illegal shit to calm my nerves....

 

**prettyboy:** how did I become a part of this fucking crazy gay family....

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** nobody knows.....

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** well now you're married into it 

 

**prettyboy:** shit.....

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** you're stuck with us now Jimbo

 

**prettyboy:** fuck.....

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** we love you too T'hy'la <3

 

 

 

 


	9. THE 21ST CENTURY DABS ARE OUT OF CONTROL THANKS TO SYBOK AND T'PRINGLES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SYBOK AND T'PRINGLES JOIN THE SHITSHOW OF GAYNESS!!! Also motherfucking Stonn tries to bring everyone down but the gays aren't taking any shit today....
> 
> T'Pringles: cheddarcheese
> 
> Sybok: howcanubitchnow
> 
> Stonn: purebreed

 

 

_You have entered the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 

 **prettyboy:** AY YA YO YO WHAT TIME IS IT?!

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** SHOWTIME!

 

 **prettyboy:** SHOWTIME SHOWTIME YO I'M JIM KIRK IN THE STARSHIP TO BE THE IDIOTS THAT BE HAVEN'T GOT SHIT ON ME HA THOSE KLINGONS DON'T WANNA MESS WITH ME CAUSE I WILL POP CHICKA BRAH THOSE UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS TILL I'M FREE!!

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** A OUI OUI MON AMI JE'MAPELLE SPOCKAYETTE, JIM'S T'HY'LA AND ASSKICKER OR SO YOU'VE HEARD, I CAME FROM VULCAN JUST TO RAISE THE TA'AL TELL THE HIGH COUNCIL FUCK OFF WHO IS THE BEST C'EST A MOI

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** BRAH BRAH I AM LEONARD BONES MCCOY THE CMO WE ALL KNOW NYOTA AND SCOTTY SAID DAMN! HELLO, LOCK UP OUR CAPITAN FROM MY FORCES OF COURSE YOU KNOW I'M GONNA HYPO HIM IF HE HAS UNPROTECTED INTERCOURSE

 

 **prettyboy:** WOAH NO SEX FOR ME ANOTHER DRAG BONES LET'S SMOKE A LITTLE MORE

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** TO THE GAYS ON A STARSHIP!!

 

 **prettyboy:** WELL IF IT AIN'T THE HIGH AND MIGHTY AMBASSADOR

 

  **hypowieldingmaniac:** SAREK, SIR

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** GIVE US A VERSE DROP SOME KNOWLEDGE

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** Good luck with that you're taking a stand, you smoke, I'm a drink we'll see where we land 

 

 **ifuckgurls:** Are you four just spitting verses like the ones in Aaron Burr, Sir?

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** YES

 

 **ifuckgurls:** IM DABBING

 

 **klingonqween:** SAME

 

 **marcusisaprick:** pardon the old man here but what the fuck is dabbing?!! 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** WHAT?!!

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** MY BOYFRIEND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT DABBING IS?!!

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** WE NEED THE TWO DABMASTERS IN HERE TO EXPLAIN TO CHRIS WHAT A DAB IS

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** YAAAAASSSS BRING THEM IN!!

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** HOLD ON GIMME A MINUTE

 

_You have left the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

**~0~**

 

_You have entered the group_ **'MOTHERFUCKING VULCANS'**

 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** I NEED HELP 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** WHAT HAPPENED MY BBY BROTHER?

 

 **cheddarcheese:** DO I NEED TO BITCH SLAP SOMEONE?

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Lol no I need your help bc dad's boyfriend Chris doesn't know what a FUCKING DAB IS!!!

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** WHAT THE FUCK?!!

 

 **cheddarcheese:** HOW CAN SOMEONE NOT KNOW WHAT A DAB IS?!!!

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HE'S BEEN HANGING AROUND US GAYS FOR YEARS NOW AND HE STILL DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A DAB IS...

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** WE NEED TO TEACH DAD'S BOYFRIEND THE ART OF DABBING MY FELLOW DABMASTER

 

 **cheddarcheese:** HELL YES WE DO 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** YAY I'LL ADD YOU BOTH TO THE MAIN GC

 

_You have left the group_ **'MOTHERFUCKING VULCANS'**

 

**~0~**

 

_You have entered the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

**Imsofuckingdone** _has added_ **howcanubitchnow __**_and_ **cheddarcheese** _to the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET**

 

 **cheddarcheese:** ALRIGHT WHO IS CHRIS AND HOW THE FUCK DOES HE NOT KNOW HOW TO DAB?!!

 

 **klingonqween:** T'PRINGLES!!!! <333

 

 **cheddarcheese:** NY-NY!!!! <3333

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** Alright where is the other ugly Vulcan motherfucker that hasn't talked to me IN FUCKING WEEKS 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** LEONARD MY FAV HYPO WIELDING ASSHOLE HOW ARE YOU?!!

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** Still pissed at you for not comming me but I'll get over it soon enough now 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** Love you too, now WHICH ONE OF YOU GAY MOTHERFUCKERS DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DAB 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** That would be Chris 

 

 **boygenius:** You really need to learn how to dab dude

 

 **plantsandfencing:** Pasha, he's old he probably can't dab...

 

 **marcusisaprick:** I'm just going to ignore Pasha and Hikaru's fake comments and just say yes, I don't know how to dab. At all. And also I'm not old, I'm 58 so fuck off 

 

 **cheddarcheese:** Point taken, Sybok send Chris the video on how to dab 

 

**howcanubitchnow: DABMONSTER.jpg**

 

 **marcusisaprick:** THANK YOU SYBOK LET'S SEE HOW LONG I CAN TAKE TO GET THIS RIGHT, AND NO BETTING POOL ALLOWED

 

 **plantsandfencing:** DAMNIT CHRIS 

 

 **cheddarcheese:** It really shouldn't take that long for him to learn...

 

**~0~**

 

**3 Hours Later......**

 

 **ifuckgurls:** CHRISTOPHER PIKE HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO FUCKING DAB?!!

 

 **marcusisaprick:** SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WHY ARE YOU ALL IN MY QUARTERS?! AND ARE YOU VIDEO TAPING THIS?!!

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** YES, AND TO ANSWER WHY WE'RE ALL HERE LAUGHING OUR ASSES OFF IS BC IT'S FREE ENTERTAINMENT WATCHING YOU FAIL AT SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS DABBING

 

 **purebreed:** As I am Vulcan I do not know the extent of the dance move that is the Dab but I do not think that regular, normal Vulcans such as myself do not need to know this dance move, for it is as illogical as the other Vulcans that I know for a fact are in this disgusting messaging chat room.

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Hello Stonn, how did you access this chat room?

 

 **purebreed:** This type of coding is very easy to hack Commander, as I am more adequate at coding skills than you are, so what would have taken you hours to crack took me 15.467 minutes to successfully break into this group chat. I also heard you were married a two weeks ago, my sincerest condolences to the person who was mad enough to take you as a husband Spock.

 

 **prettyboy:** HEY you little shitweasel I'm the one who joyously accepted his invitation to marry and bond with my beloved Sa-telsu so you can shut the fuck up.

 

 **purebreed:** Ah, of course you would take human scum as your bondmate, like father like son I suppose. You even managed to find someone with more of an inferior intellect than you Spock, congratulations.

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Do not EVER insult my T'hy'la and the carrier of my children Stonn. My James can run laps around your supposed 'superior' Vulcan mind as can every single person in my family.

 

 **purebreed:** Of course you would have a human T'hy'la, your mind is not worthy enough to bond to another Vulcan, as for your children I hope they live out their many days in a prison camp for half breeds where they should be placed in. Your so called "family" of misfits and faggots who should learn to love the opposite sex instead of the same sex because that would be more clean, or as clean as your "family" can be. 

 

 **prettyboy:** Hey T'Pringles, I found someone you can bitchslap....

 

 **cheddarcheese:** Gladly Jim.

 

 **purebreed:** T'Pring why are you siding with them? Out of all of the Vulcans I thought you would see how disgusting these things are.

 

 **cheddarcheese:** Stonn, these "Things" are my family, they love me for who I am, illogical emotions and all, and I accept them for who they are. I am not xenophobic and homophobic like you are, to quote one of the most renowned playwrights Lin-Manuel Miranda "Love is love is love is love is love is love is love and it cannot be killed or swept aside." Spock, a Vulcan loves Jim a male human, and Sarek loves Amanda a female human and Christopher a male human. And yet you see it fit to destroy and to jest at people for who they choose to love instead of finding your own love. Leave Stonn, and go play petty games with someone else who will listen to your bitching, and maybe take that stick up your ass and shove it up even further, to where you choke on it, I would be happy to do it for you...

 

 **purebreed:** These "Things" have corrupted you T'Pring, I am so sorry that you cannot see the error in your logic as plainly as I can.... I shall take my leave of this filthy chat room with a few parting words, Spock leave a flower on your whore mother's gravestone will you?

 

 **prettyboy:** Oh no you fucking don't. First of all, you made a really bad mistake by insulting my husband and T'hy'la who is clearly more intellectually advanced than you could ever dream to be in that tiny, sardonic and sanctimonious mind of yours shit for brains. Second of all you called my family "Things" which clearly you haven't been through the fifth grade sexual orientation class that shows you what an actual living breathing being looks like instead of inanimate, inferior objects which you claim us to be when every single one of them could easily kick your ass if they wanted to, but they're kind and generous people who would spare you the utter humiliation of being beaten by a "disgusting" human being. And third, to go after my father AND mother-in law just to make one more sick joke of yours makes me want to just put you out of your life's worthless misery that you seem to be in. But I wouldn't so that I could let you suffer and be tormented like you are to my husband, myself, and my family. I hope Amanda curses you for all eternity to suffer at the hands of someone exactly like you, because I think you'll learn your lesson after that. Leave Stonn. Now. Before I ban you from using this chat room ever again. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to let my husband make love to me and rest his hand on my stomach to feel our children kicking inside me, and then I'm gonna update the coding on this chat room so that you can't get in here again. Toodaloo Stonn, you monumental asshole, I can't say it's been a pleasure chatting with you again...

 

**purebreed** _has been kicked out of the chat_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** Can we pray to Surak that Stonn gets a nasty case of something that makes him suffer and die slowly and painfully?

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** That's a splendid idea Hikaru, but first I need a drink, preferably one that makes me forget that motherfucker ever existed...

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Me and Jim will pass, we plan to do what he promised we would do after this ordeal was over, have fun you guys. See ya later...

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** T'PRINGLES WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!

 

 **cheddarcheese:** To bitchslap that ugly motherfucker since he only lives a few houses down from me on New Vulcan..

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** MARRY ME 

 

 **cheddarcheese:** Maybe later Sybok..

 

 

  


	10. THE GAYS AT DISNEY WORLD 2K248 And A Special Someone Comes Home Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy.... THE GAYS GO TO DISNEY WORLD FOR SHORE LEAVE AND SOMEONE COMES BACK FROM THE DEAD AND MORE SUPER HIGH VULCANS ON SPACE MOUNTAIN!!! ALSO A SIMPLE TRAINS COMES OUT TO THE GROUP Pt. 1

 

_You have entered the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 

 **prettyboy:** IS EVERYONE READY FOR DISNEY?!!

 

 **klingonqween:** FUCK YES

 

 **plantsandfencing:** T'PRINGLES AND SYBOK WHERE ARE WE MEETING YOU AGAIN?

 

 **cheddarcheese:** AT THE FRONT OF THE GATES TO MAGIC KINGDOM 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Me and Jim are going to get everyone Mickey ears which ones do you gays want?

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** Woody 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** the Mad Hatter 

 

 **imdrunk:** the blue and white stars one

 

 **ifuckgurls:** I FUCKING CALL AURORA

 

 **cheddarcheese:** Sybok wants the Goofy hat and I want Maleficent 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** BUT I WANTED MALEFICENT :(((

 

 **prettyboy:** Sweetheart we already agreed on this.... you're wearing the Groom ears and I'm wearing the Bride/Baby Momma ears because we just got married like a week ago and I'm pregnant with twins so I say you're wearing the Groom ears today..

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Yes Ashayam... Anyone else want ears?

 

 **klingonqween:** tbh y'all are fucking GOALS and yes I want the Snow White ears 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** Pasha wants Daisy Duck and I want Donald Duck 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** I want Cinderella

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** You are such a *looks at smudged handwriting on left hand* a simple trains

 

 **marcusisaprick:** FUCK OFF SAREK

 

 

 **prettyboy:** HANG ON I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR LIKE TEN YEARS AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT YOU WERE TRANS?!!

 

 **marcusisaprick:** I never told anyone actually, Sarek found out the first time we had sex and he promised to not tell anyone because I wanted to but he OBVIOUSLY decided to just blurt it out in the GC. I was scared Jim, I was scared that people were going to reject me for who I am...

 

 **prettyboy:** Listen, We all don't give a FUCK whether you're trans, cis, non-binary, gay, straight, bi, asexual, or anything else in between. We all love you, no matter who you are, and we're all proud to be friends with you, and I'm proud that you're my adoptive dad. I love you. We all love you. Remember that.

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** and I am proud to be your son in-law...

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** <333333

 

 **klingonqween:** <333333

 

 **plantsandfencing:** <333333

 

 **cheddarcheese:** <33333

 

 **ifuckgurls:** <33333

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** <33333

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** <3333333

 

 **marcusisaprick:** I love you all <333 NOW LET'S RUN AROUND DISNEY WORLD LIKE THE GAY TRAINS WEIRD AS FUCK PEOPLE WE ARE NOW THE MONORAILS ABOUT TO LEAVE SO LET'S GO!!!

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** DISNEY WORLD HERE WE COME BITCHES

 

 **plantsandfencing: __**The one thing they could fix is how small the fucking monorails are though...

 

 **klingonqween:** That's true but the nice thing is is that I gay to lay across both of my beloved partners laps because there's no room on this thing....

 

 **prettyboy:** Spock honey, can you stop grinding up on me? because there's little kids in the car we're all in and I don't want them to learn about sex too early... 

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** the motherly instincts have started to kick in....

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** be careful, he may start crying at anything that looks even a little cute or sappy....

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Leonard, Sybok, Shut the fuck up....

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** make us baby bro

 

 **cheddarcheese:** please don't make him..... or I will kick all three of your asses....

 

 **prettyboy:** please do

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** B E T R A Y E D BY MY OWN T'HY'LA

 

 **prettyboy:** You love me <3 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** I love your panties even more.....

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** WHAT THE FUCK 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** HOW TF DID THAT EVEN COME UP 

 

 **klingonqween:** Can we PLEASE GET OFF THIS FUCKING THING?!!!! I NOW CAN'T HELP BUT STARE AT JIM'S ASS TO SEE IF I CAN SEE THE PANTY LINES IN HIS SHORTS.....

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** JIM'S ASS IS MINE EVERY ONE FUCK OFF AND DON'T STARE

 

 **imdrunk:** BUT WE CAN'T HELP IT 

 

 **ifuckgurls:** ^^^^^

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** ^^^^^^

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** ^^^^^

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** ^^^^^

 

 **marcusisaprick:** ^^^^

 

 **plantsandfencing:** ^^^^^

 

 **boygenius:** ^^^^^^^

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** ^^^^^

 

 **cheddarcheese:** ^^^^^^^

 

 **prettyboy:** tfw your best friends who are in committed relationships look at your ass....

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** ANYWAY WHERE ARE THE ENTRANCE GATES TO MK AND WHERE THE FUCK ARE SYBOK AND T'PRINGLES

 

 **cheddarcheese:** WE'RE RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE GATES

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** WE SEE YOU AND WE'RE COMING NOW (Sybok don't you DARE make a sex joke about that....)

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** Noted. Someone toss me my Goofy hat pls.

 

 **prettyboy:** YAAAAASSSS SELFIE TIME!!

 

**prettyboy: THEDISNEYGAYS.jpg**

 

 **ifuckgurls:** THIS GIVES ME LIFE

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** What ride are we doing first?

 

 **prettyboy:** either the Teacups or It's a Small World

 

 **boygenius:** PLS NOT IT'S A SMALL WORLD 

 

 **imdrunk:** Why not?

 

 **boygenius:** last time I rode that motherfucking ride I had nightmares for a week...

 

 **klingonqween:** #peaceforpasha let's do Teacups then...

 

 **prettyboy:** #peaceforpasha TO THE TEACUPS WE GO

 

 **boygenius:** <33333 thank you 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** no one wants you having nightmares Pasha <333

 

 **marcusisaprick:** ^^^^

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** ^^^^^

 

 **plantsandfencing:** ^^^^ Don't worry if you have nightmares I'll hold you close until you stop shaking

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** that was so GAY

 

 **cheddarcheese:** i KNOW

 

 **plantsandfencing:** hEY THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND DON'T JUDGE ME YOU GAY MOTHERFUCKERS

 

 **cheddarcheese:** fair

 

 **marcusisaprick:** how long is this fucking line?

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan** **:**   we're almost there honey.

 

 **marcusisaprick:** Good. After this ride I need to go to the bathroom.... can someone lend me a tampon?

 

 **klingonqween:** I gotchu fam I brought extra

 

 **marcusisaprick:** <3333 thank you Ny-Ny

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** who's sitting w/ who on the teacups?

 

 **prettyboy:** I'm pretty sure we already know Bones, we just sit with our s/o's 

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** true

 

 **plantsandfencing:** Chris are you okay? You look green?

 

 **marcusisaprick:** Period shit..... 

 

 **klingonqween:** Same.....

 

 **cheddarcheese:** ^^^^^

 

 **imdrunk:** ^^^^^

 

 **ifuckgurls:** ^^^^^

 

 **prettyboy** **:** SPOCK SPIN THE LITTLE CIRCLE IN THE MIDDLE TO MAKE IT GO FASTER

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** THIS IS TORTURE ENOUGH

 

 **boygenius:** I'm just laughing my ass off looking over at Spock who's gripping the sides of the teacup with all of his might and looks terrified..

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** meanwhile Jim has an evil grin on his face and he's turning the little metal thing in the middle as fast as he can...

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** LMAO and Spock is now just flipping us all off as he gets tortured because they got the smallest, yet fastest teacup...

 

 **plantsandfencing:** SOMEONE TAKE A FUCKING PICTURE

 

**cheddarcheese: terrifiedvulcancrazypreggohuman.jpg**

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** THAT IS BEING FRAMED AS SOON AS WE GET TO A SOUVENIR STORE

 

 **marcusisaprick:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHA SPOCK JUST SPUN AROUND IN A CIRCLE AND FELL OVER AFTER HE GOT OIT OF THRE TEACUP 

 

 **prettyboy:** THAT WAS FUN CAN WE DO IT AGAIN?!!!

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** FUCK NO 

 

 **cheddarcheese:** um EXCUSE ME THE LADIES AND MAN NEED TO CHANGE THEIR TAMPONS BEFORE WE DO ANYTHING ELSE 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** Thank you T'Pringles <3333

 

 **cheddarcheese:** anytime <333

 

 **prettyboy:** I NEED TO EAT I HAVE TWIN VULCANS GROWING INSIDE MY FUCKING BODY AND I NEED FOOD TO SURVIVE THIS PREGNANCY

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** What's close to us food wise? 

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** There's Cheshire Cafe right next door to the bathrooms

 

 **prettyboy:** we'll go there bc I'm starving and after we eat we have our first fast pass at Seven Dwarves Mine Train @3:30

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** What other fast passes did you book?

 

 **prettyboy:** Splash Mountain @ 5:45 and Space Mountain @ 10:00 

 

 **klingonqween:** why did you book Space Mountain so late? 

 

 **prettyboy:** it's more fun at night in the pitch black bc you can't see anything except when the lights flash on and off rapidly in like the first few seconds...

 

 **plantsandfencing:** and I brought something that will make the ride even more fun....

 

 **cheddarcheese:** how the fuck did you get ILLEGAL SHIT in the park?!!

 

 **plantsandfencing:** I have my ways....

 

 **marcusisaprick:** ways that I don't want to hear about....

 

 **boygenius:** ^^^^^

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** Jim, did you really just have to fart a silent but deadly one in the fucking cafe?

 

 **prettyboy:** #noregrets #pregnancygas

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** aaaaaannnndddd we probably just got banned from the cafe bc of that, thanks Jim. The manager thought it was a toxic gas that was going to kill everyone inside....

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** This is the man I have married and who is carrying my children. I just died inside a little... 

 

 **ifuckgurls:** we ALL died inside after that fucking nasty ass fart Jim pulled 

 

 **prettyboy:** rude

 

 **prettyboy:** I hate you all 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** You LOVE us, especially me <333

 

 **prettyboy:** YOU love my panties more than me Ashayam...

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** DEAR GOD NO

 

 **cheddarcheese:** NOT THE PANTIES AGAIN PLEASE 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT MY BROTHER'S KINKY SEX LIFE WITH JIM....

 

 **ifuckgurls:** WE ALREADY HEAR YOU AND THAT IS TORTURE ENOUGH

 

 **boygenius:** I AM SWITCHING THE SUBJECT WE NEED TO GET TO SEVEN DWARVES MINE TRAIN FOR OUR FAST PASS

 

 **klingonqween:** #rollininmyheelies

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO RIDE THIS RIDE FOR SO LONG

 

 **imdrunk:** SAME

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** YAAAAASSSS HERE WE GO 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** IT'S SO FUCKING BUMPY 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** BUT THOSE MINI HILLS THOUGH.....

 

 **boygenius:** I LOVE THIS RIDE

 

 **prettyboy:** WE STILL HAVE SPLASH AND SPACE MOUNTAINS SO WE'RE NOT DONE YET ON THE EPIC RIDE SCALE

 

 **prettyboy:** NOW WE HAVE TO HIGHTALE IT OVER TO SPLASH BC THE FAST PASS LINE TOOK TO DAMN LONG @ SEVEN DWARVES

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** SPLASH MOUNTAIN IS FUCKING LEDGENDARY 

 

 **klingonqween:** BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING AWESOME 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** THE PLANTS LOOK SO LIFELIKE

 

 **ifuckgurls:** SHUTTHEFUCKUP ABOUT HERBOLOGY HIKARU 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** IT'S NOT HARRY POTTER CAROL

 

 **ifuckgurls:** LOOK INTO MY EYES AND SEE HOW MANY FUCKS I GIVE 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Apply Ice To That Burn Hikaru.

 

 **plantsandfencing:** FUCK YOU ALL 

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** THE DROPS COMING I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED

 

 **prettyboy:** WE KNOW I CAN HEAR YOU SQUEALING LIKE JOANNA BEHIND ME

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** FUCK OFF JIM 

 

 **prettyboy:** NEVER 

 

 **cheddarcheese:** HOLY SHIT CHRIS FINALLY DABBED RIGHT

 

 **marcusisaprick:** I was trying to not let the water get on my face..

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** BUT STILL YOU DABBED FINALLY!!!

 

 **imdrunk:** PICS OR IT NEVER HAPPENED

 

**cheddarcheese: HEDIDTHEDAB.jpg**

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** HOKY SITH FINALLY

 

 **plantsandfencing:** LET'S CELEBRATE WITH MY WELL KNOWN AND LOVED ILLEGAL HERBAL SUBSTANCES BEFORE SPACE MOUNTAIN 

 

 **prettyboy:** Question: is it just me being high as FUCK or does everyone else see a huge ball of light in the sky?

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** its not just you bby 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** AND HOLY FUCK WHY IS IT THROWING LIGHTING BOLTS RIGHT IN FRONT OF SELIK?

 

 **klingonqween:** HOLY SHIT THE BALL OF LIGHT IS OPENING UP IS IT GOING TO SUCK US UP INTO IT?

 

 **marcusisaprick:** WHY DID THE BALL OF LIGHT JUST DROP OUT A HUMAN BEING IN FRONT OF SELIK? 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** AND WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE AN OLDER VERSION OF JIM?!!!

 

 **cheddarcheese:** I'M VERY LOST WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? WHY IS SELIK BASICALLY GLUED TO THE SPOT STARING AT THIS GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE JIM?!!

 

 **prettyboy:** I may have a clue as to who that guy is...

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Who is it?

 

 **prettyboy:** it's me. From the same universe that Selik came from..

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** Oh. My. God.

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** His T'hy'la came back to him...

 

 **plantsandfencing:** aaaaannnnnnndddddd Selik just took the weed and ran. Great. Just Fucking Great. 

 

 **prettyboy:** Well this is a sticky situation that we're in...

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** There's TWO OF YOU

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** He just walked up and shook Jim's hand... saying "You must be James T. Kirk, what a fucking coincidence, so am I. Now where the fuck did my husband of over 100 years just go?" 

 

 **cheddarcheese:** I'm still fucking confused....

 

 **ifuckgurls:** Same.....

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH KIRK PRIME RETURNS!!!! WHAT'S NEXT?!! COMMENT BELOW TO SEE WHAT YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN NEXT?!!


	11. THE GAYS AT DISNEY WORLD 2K248 And A Special Someone Comes Home Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AYYEEEE PART 2 OF THIS SHITSTORM AND ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO EMO SPOCK AND DADDY KIRK PRIME. IF YOU THOUGHT THIS FIC COULDN'T GET ANY GAYER YOU THOUGHT WRONG MOTHERFUCKERS!!! LOVE YOU ALL!!! 
> 
>  
> 
> Kirk Prime: theOGmotherfucka/daddyjames

_You have entered the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 **boygenius:** WHY DID SELIK HAVE TO RUN OFF WITH THE WEED

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** HOW ARE THERE TWO JIMS?

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** WHY ARE WE NOT ON SPACE MOUNTAIN RIGHT NOW?!

 

 **plantsandfencing:** JIM WHAT IS THE OTHER YOU DOING ON YOUR PADD?

 

 **cheddarcheese:** i want weed

 

 **klingonqween:** honey we all do after what the fuck just happened, Hikaru's shit is addictive and SELIK IF YOU'RE READING THIS PLEASE COME BACK WITH THE WEED PLEASE AND THANK YOU OR I WILL ROYALLY KICK YOUR ASS

 

 **ifuckgurls:** I second T'Pringles's statement 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** IDGAF I'm saying this but don't you think the other Jim is REALLY FUCKING HOT?!! I'm just saying I mean come on he's totally "daddy" material amiright?

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WALK INTO

 

 **imdrunk:** idk but Scotty has a point though

 

 **klingonqween:** ^^^^^^^

 

 **boygenius:** ^^^^^^^^

 

 **imdrunk:** ^^^^^^^^

 

 **ifuckgurls:** ^^^^^^^

 

 **plantsandfencing:** ^^^^^^^^

 

 **marcusisaprick:** fuckit I'm agreeing with you on this ^^^^^^

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** ^^^^^^^

 

 **cheddarcheese:** ^^^^^^^^^

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WALK INTO

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** I SAID THE SAME THING DAMNIT LEONARD

 

 **klingonqween:** meanwhile Spock is just paralyzed because he saw the gc

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** I HAVE NO WORDS FOR WHAT I HAVE READ

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** Y'ALL ARE CRAZY JIM IS NOT DADDY ANY JIM FOR THAT MATTER IS NOT DADDY

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** yeah but if you call the other Jim James instead he sounds more like a daddy 

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** #yougotmethere

 

**prettyboy** _has added_ **theOGmotherfucka** _to the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 **prettyboy:** THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING AND I'VE ALSO BEEN READING THIS CHAT AND HOLY SHIT Y'ALL ARE KINKY

 

 **plantsandfencing:** says the dude that wears panties every day

 

 **theOGmotherfucka:** This chat is a mess..... I LOVE IT 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** quick question other Jim, CAN YOU BE OUR DADDY?! WE NEED ONE AND NOW SEEING YOU IN PERSON WE THINK YOU'RE PERFECT FOR IT. BUT NOT SEXUALLY, WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN SIGNIFICANT OTHERS BUT WE JUST NEED SOMEONE TO BE THE CALM INN THE SHITSTORM THAT IS OUR LIVES

 

**theOGmotherfucka** _has changed their name to_ **DaddyJames**

 

 **DaddyJames:** does this answer your question? :)

 

 **cheddarcheese:** YAY WE HAVE A DADDY NOW

 

 **prettyboy:** Noah Fence but MY Spock will always be MY daddy 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** <3 tbh I'd be happy to be your daddy anytime bby <3 

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** get a room

 

 **DaddyJames:** let them have their fun Bones

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** FUCK I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THERE'S TWO OF YOU AND TWO OF SPOCK 

 

 **DaddyJames:** Speaking of which I need to find MY daddy and then you all could leave us alone for a good 24 hours that would be FANTASTIC

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** uh HELL NO BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING WITH YOUR SPOCK I'M GIVING YOU A PHYSICAL 

 

 **DaddyJames:**  MY Spock first, THEN physical. Done deal Bonsey......

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** fine. But after that THEN I get to give you a physical and hypo you.

 

 **prettyboy:** TEACH ME YOUR WAYS WITH PUTTING UP WITH BONES

 

 **DaddyJames:** nah, I think I'll just be evil and let you live through the hypos. If I had to put up with it for over 80 fucking years then you should have to as well

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** now I LIKE you 

 

 **klingonqween:** Stop flirting you two he's mine and news flash park security found Selik, he's holed up in Cinderella's Castle in the highest tower.

 

 **plantsandfencing:** was there SMOKE?

 

 **klingonqween:** He took the weed Hikaru of course they saw smoke....

 

 **DaddyJames:** since when did Spock start smoking WEED?!

 

 **boygenius:** like a few months ago, the younger generation got fucked up first and then the elders wanted to try it and now we're just a band of gays that live on a starship that smoke weed and drink illegal liquor from Scotty's still 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** that pretty much sums it up

 

 **DaddyJames:** fair 

 

 **cheddarcheese:** DOES ANYONE ELSE HEAR THAT?!

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** hear WHAT?!

 

 **ifuckgurls:** HOLY SHIT IT'S "WELCOME TO THE BLACK PARADE" BY MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** OH MY FUCKING GOD MY TEENAGE YEARS

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** SAME HOKY SITH

 

 **boygenius:** NOW IT'S "WHERE DID THE PARTY GO" BY FALL OUT BOY 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** THIS IS BEAUTIFUL 

 

 **imdrunk:** THIS WAS MY SHIT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL 

 

 **prettyboy:** AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH "THIS IS GOSPEL" BY PANIC! AT THE DISCO IS ON AND I'M SOBBING BECAUSE I LOVE THAT BAND SO MUCH 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** BRENDON URIE, PATRICK STUMP, AND GERARD WAY ARE MY ALT ROCK BAES I LOVE THEM 

 

 **klingonqween:** YAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS AND SELIK IS JUST SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SMOKE SINGING ALONG WITH THE MUSIC HE IS MY SPIRIT VULCAN 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac: ANEMOVULCANINTHEWILD.jpg**

 

 **marcusisaprick:** but the reunion between James and Selik is fucking adorable though

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** I'M NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING 

 

 **boygenius:** wait are they crying in each others arms or are they making out?

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** can't tell

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** ABORT ABORT THEY'RE MAKING OUT EVERY ONE LEAVE 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** SOMEONE TAKE THE WEED AND RUN 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** RUN TO SPACE MOUNTAIN WE STILL HAVE TIME FOR OUR FAST PASS

 

 **prettyboy:** EVERYONE GO GO GO 

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** JAMES REMEMBER YOU HAVE A PHYSICAL WITH ME TOMORROW

 

 **DaddyJames:** I KNOW

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** I don't even want to KNOW what body position you're in so that you were able to text that......

 

 __ **DaddyJames:** LATER BONSEY

 

 


	12. THE GAYS AT DISNEY WORLD 2K248 And A Special Someone Comes Home Pt.3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The third part of The Gays at Disney!!
> 
> Welp it's been almost a month.... Shit... MERRY LATE CHRISTMAS BITCHES YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO ROAST ME IN THE COMMENTS

_You have entered the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 

  **hypowieldingmaniac:** can you all HURRY THE FUCK UP PLS

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** they need Jesus

 

 **plantsandfencing:** you need Jesus the most though Bones

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** SHUTTHEFUCKUP YOU FUCKING WEED FARMER

 

 **plantsandfencing:** PASHA I NEED BACK-UP

 

 **boygenius:** I AM ANGRY, DRUNK, HIGH, AND RUSSIAN FITE ME LEONARD MCCOY AND YOU SHALL LOSE YOU HYPO WIELDING ASSHOLE

 

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** sHIT WHERE'S MY BACK-UP I NEED HELP THERE'S A CRAZY RUSSIAN -ASIAN TAG TEAM UP AGAINST ME

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** if any of you harm my bby in any way i will OBLITERATE ALL OF YOU and by my bby i mean Pasha

 

 **klingonqween:** ^^^^^

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** B E T R A Y E D 

 

 **prettyboy:** tfw your hubby is fucking you but your gay fam can't seem to SHUTTHEFUCKUP AND YOUR PHONE HAS BECOME A VIBRATOR

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** ^^^^

 

 **prettyboy:** wait do you top or does James top?

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** we split it evenly

 

 **prettyboy:** My Spock tops everytime bc reasons....

 

 **cheddarcheese:** CAN ALL FOUR OF YOU COME NOW WE'RE ALMOST TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE FOR SPACE MOUNTAIN

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** IS2G IF YOU DON'T COME WITHIN THE NEXT 30 SECONDS I WILL MURDER ALL OF YOU 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** THRUST HARDER

 

 **klingonqween:** THRUST HARDER

 

 **ifuckgurls:** THRUST HARDER

 

 **imdrunk:** THRUST HARDER

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** THRUST HARDER

 

 **plantsandfencing:** THRUST HARDER

 

 **boygenius:** THRUST HARDER

 

 **marcusisaprick:** THRUST HARDER

 

 **Daddyjames:** WE'RE COMING JESUS CHRISTIE WE'RE COMING 

 

 **cheddarcheese:** did u jsut combine jesus and Chris Christie to create a meme?

 

 **Daddyjames:** yes i believe i just did....

 

 **boygenius:** I'M ROLLING IN THE FLOOR

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** RUN YOU GAY FUCKERS WE'RE NEXT IN LINE

 

 **prettyboy:** *insert black Forest Gump meme* NIGGA I WAS RUNNAAIN

 

 **klingonqween:** WHY DID THEY CREATE THAT MEME?

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** 2016 was a dark time....

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** isn't 2016 one of the years they refuse to talk about in history class bc it was so catastrophic?

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** yep....

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** ANYWAY MOVING ON WE'RE UP EVERYONE GET IN THEIR SEATS

 

 **marcusisaprick:** I'm too high to do anything that fucks up my coordination of my body

 

 **ifuckgurls:** GET IN THE FUCKING SEAT CHRISTOPHER

 

 **marcusisaprick:** FINE..... crazy bitch

 

 **ifuckgurls:** I SAW THAT 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** DOES IT LOOK LIKE I GIVE A FUCK?!

 

 **prettyboy:** SAREK, CHRISTINE GET YOUR S\O'S TO STOP HAVING A SLAP FIGHT WITH EACHKTHER

 

 **imdrunk:**  UGH

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** FINE

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** CHRISTOPHER PIKE GET IN YOUR FUCKING SEAT OR NO HOT VULCAN SEX FOR YOU LATER 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** DAYUM DAD YOU BROUGHT OUT THE BIG GUNS FIRST THING

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** DAMN STRAIGHT NOW CHRISTOPHER PIKE GET IN YOUR FUCKING SEAT

 

 **marcusisaprick:** fINE

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** thank u <3

 

 **plantsandfencing:** DAMN SAREK YOUR PETTY ASS JUST CHANGED FROM DEMON VULCAN TO ANGEL REAL QUICK

 

 **cheddarcheese:** CAN EVERYONE SIT THE FUCK DOWN PLEASE SO THAT THE RIDE CAN START

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** HOLY SHIT WHY IS EVERYTHUNG SO DARK

 

 **ifuckgurls:** I AM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW 

 

 **Daddyjames:** THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** I CAN HEAR SPOCK SCREAMING

 

 **prettyboy:** TALL PEOPLE DUCK THERE'S BARS COMING UP OVER OUR HEADS

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** HOKY SITH BONES JUST PASSED OUT 

 

 **klingonqween:** HIS HEAD HIT ONE OF THE BARS 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** GODDAMNIT LEONARD WHY DID YOU DO THAT

 

 **boygenius:** meanwhile the ride's just going on and Bones's body is just flailing in the wind and being jerked back and forth 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** SOMEONE TAKE A FUCKING PICTURE

 

**Daddyjames: DAMNITBONES.jpg**

 

 **klingonqween:** that's another one for the Disney scrapbook

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** aaaaaannnnnnddddddd we have now traumatized the ride operator.nice. 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** at least zhe was nice and called for a paramedic 

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** tru

 

 **prettyboy:** DAYUM that paramedic is FINE AS HELL 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** E X C U S E M E ? 

 

 **klingonqween:** DAT DEEP BRITISH VOICE THOUGH

 

 **boygenius:** S W O O N S

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** STOP GIVING MY HUBBY IDEAS 

 

 **prettyboy:** Shut up Pointy, all that I am is yours, now and forever <3\. I'm just saying that before I was madly in love with you, I would SO let him screw me....

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** That doesn't comfort me in the least...

 

 **klingonqween:** weird name though...

 

 **prettyboy:** huh? 

 

 **klingonqween:** the hot paramedic has a weird name....

 

 **boygenius:** what's his name?

 

 **klingonqween:** Khan.... his name is Khan

 

 **Daddyjames:** HOLD THE PHONE 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** WHAT?!!!! 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HO SHIT DUN DUN DUN...... Happy New Year and Merry Christmas my lovely readers....
> 
> P.S.: For the ending imagine Benedict Cumberbatch in a paramedic uniform kneeling down beside Bones.... you're welcome :D


	13. THE GAYS AT DISNEY WORLD 2K248 And A Special Someone Comes Home Pt. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *crawls out of hell hole that I came from* HAIIIIIIII! This fic will ALWAYS be updated, and it will keep being updated until hell freezes over or I get hit with a nuclear bomb thanks to America's new president....*groans* 
> 
> And now it's time for Fun With Bones at the Hospital 
> 
> Dedicated to my partner in crime Geritashipper123 *wink wink*

 

 _You have entered the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 

 **klingonqween:** why is Selik holding a sobbing James? 

 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** i have no fucking clue

 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** OKAY WHAT THE DUCK IS GOING ON?

 

 

 **prettyboy:** duck Hiki?

 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** SCREW YOU JIM IT'S DUCKING AUTOCORRECT

 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** GOD MOTHERDUCKING DAMNUT

 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** i give up

 

 

 **boygenius:** IM IN THE FLOOR 

 

 

 **ifuckgurls:** SAME AND THAT KHAN GUY IS LOOKING AT US LIKE WE'RE FUCKING NUTS

 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** PLEASE DON'T MENTION THAT NAME EVER AGAIN 

 

 

 **imdrunk** **:** why?

 

 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** not telling....

 

 

 **Daddyjames:** Sweetheart it's ok, you can tell them...

 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** T'hy'la are you sure? 

 

 

 

 **Daddyjames:** Yes. I'm sure.

 

 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** where do we start?

 

 

 

 **Daddyjames:** From the beginning all those years ago...

 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** I think this story should be told face-to-face, not in the gc

 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** kk

 

 

 

**~0~**

 

**A long ass time later......**

 

 

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:**  w o w......

 

 

 **prettyboy:** holy shit

 

 

 **cheddarcheese:** THAT FUCKING BASTARD how DARE HE DO THAT TO YOU

 

 

 **Daddyjames:** bad timing but who tf are you?

 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** sHIT you haven't met the lesbian demon that is T'PRINGLES and the bitchy motherfucker that is Sybok

 

 

 

 **cheddarcheese:** im the lesbian demon ;)

 

 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** and im the bitchy motherfucker ;))

 

 

 

 **cheddarcheese:** HOLD THE DUCK UP SYBOK YOU CANNOT JUST OUT WINKING SMILEY FACE ME 

 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** BITCH I JUST DID HAHA 

 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** as you can see James, they are not like our versions, they are better and are more understanding than my evil brother and my former betrothed....

 

 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** HOLD THE FUCK UP FOR A SECOND

 

 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** BETROTHED?!

 

 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** EVIL BROTHER?!!

 

 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** sHIT

 

 

 

 **Daddyjames:** NOW YOU'VE DONE IT YOU SHIT STIRRER

 

 

 

 **boygenius:** EXPLAIN. NOW. 

 

 

 **Daddyjames:** FINE I WILL. okay so, T'Pring was a psychotic bitch who refused to help Spock with his first Pon Farr and she made him fight to the death with Stonn. Sybok, you tried to kill my entire crew out of revenge because Sarek banished you for going against the Vulcan teachings of logic and you instead chose to embrace emotions and because of the fact that you were under the control of a malevolent alien entity that manipulated you and you killed yourself and the entity to stop it.....

 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** Damn

 

 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** yep.

 

 

 

 **cheddarcheese:** I WAS SUCH AND EVIL BITCH HOKY SITH 

 

 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** You still are one....

 

 

 **cheddarcheese:** SYBOK SHUTTHEFUCKUP AND GO SIT IN A CORNER AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE

 

 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** you know what FUCK YOU T'PRING

 

 

 

 **cheddarcheese:** YOU ALREADY ARE.

 

 

 

 **klingonqween:** DAYUM

 

 

 

 **imdrunk:** BURN

 

 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** WILL ALL OF Y'ALL SHUTTHEFUCKUP AND GET INTO THE HOVER AMBULANCE SO THAT WE CAN TAKE MY SOUTHERN BELLE TO THE HOSPITAL

 

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** JESUS CHRISTIE WE'RE COMING SCOTTY

 

 

 **klingonqween:** PASHA AND CHRIS WHY ARE YOU HAVING A TAMPON WAR WITH THE DISNEY SECURITY GUARDS?!

 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** THEY TOOK OUR WEED 

 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** wHAT 

 

 

 **prettyboy:** SPOCK WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!

 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** TO GET OUR WEED BACK 

 

 

 **boygenius:** DID SPOCK JUST JUMP OUT OF THE AMBULANCE?!

 

 

 **Daddyjames:** DAYUM HE TOOK THOSE SECURITY GUARDS DOWN WITH ONLY A NECK PINCH 

 

 

 **ifuckgurls:** HE JUST RAN AND JUMPED BACK INTO THE AMBULANCE WITH THE WEED BAG IN HIS BACK POCKET 

 

 

 **prettyboy:** I'M SO TURNED ON RIGHT NOW

 

 

 **Daddyjames:** SAME.

 

 

 

 **prettyboy:** BACK OFF HE'S MINE

 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** WE KNOW 

 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** AYYY THAT'S MY LITTLE BROTHER GO LITTLE BROTHER

 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** and for my next trick...

 

 

 **prettyboy:** you'll let me give you a blowjob?!

 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** NOT THE TIME OR PLACE JIM.

 

 

 **prettyboy:** I DON'T CARE I'M SO TURNED ON RIGHT NOW

 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** there's a compartment that's able to fit two people near the front of the ambulance...

 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** WHY ARE YOU ENCOURAGING THIS?! 

 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** BECAUSE MY HUSBAND'S HOT AS FUCK OKAY?!!

 

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** FINE. JUST DON'T LET IS HEAR IT...

 

 

 **prettyboy:** Highly doubt that but okay....

 

 

 **cheddarcheese:** GO SUCK HIM OFF ALREADY 

 

 

 **prettyboy:** I'M ABOUT TO 

 

 

 

**~0~**

 

**One blowjob and an ambulance ride later.....**

 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** hAVE YOU GUYS READ THE FAN FICTION THAT'S BEEN WRITTEN RECENTLY?!

 

 

 **klingonqween:** no. why?

 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** BECAUSE THEY'RE WRITING STUFF ABOUT US

 

 

 **imdrunk:** like WHAT!?

 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** PORN 

 

 

 **prettyboy:** WHO'S WRITING PORN ABOUT US I WANNA KNOW

 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** there's 3 usernames that keep popping up and they've got the most kudos on AO3. Geritashipper123, IvanW, and giddytf2. 

 

 

 **cheddarcheese:** I saw one of Geritashipper123's fics about where we are all descendants (like the Disney movie) and I am HERE. FOR. IT.

 

 

 

 **ifuckgurls:** NY-NY THERE'S EVEN ONE WHERE YOU, SCOTTY AND BONES ARE LIKE I'M A SCOOBY DOO GANG WHERE YOU SOLVE MYSTERIES AND KEENSER'S SCOOBY AND ARCHER IS A DISGRUNTLED CAT 

 

 

 **klingonqween:** WHERE OML

 

 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** tbh I'm just on AO3 for Johnlock and Mystrade fics...

 

 

 **boygenius:** ok SAME JOHNLOCK AND MYSTRADE ARE MY OTP

 

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** YAAAAAAAAASSSSSSS BITCH CAN WE HAVE A SHERLOCK MARATHON/DRINKING GAME IN LEONARD'S ROOM WHILE WE WAIT FOR HIM TO WAKE UP 

 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** YAAAAAAAAASSSSSSS. WHAT'S THE DRINKING GAME 

 

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** IT'S WHERE WE POINT OUT EVERY GAY MOMENT BETWEEN JOHNLOCK AND MYSTRADE AND WE TAKE A SHOT AFTER EVERY SINGLE ONE

 

 

 **cheddarcheese:** I'M GONNA GET LIVER POISONING THEN 

 

 

 **prettyboy:** SOMEONE PUT ON THE FIRST EPISODE WHILE I GET THE SHOTS READY

 

 

 **klingonqween:** kk 

 

 

 **Daddyjames:** ALREADY A GAY MOMENT EVERYONE TAKE A SHOT 

 

 

 **ifuckgurls:** WHO TF PAUSED IT?!

 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** *raises smol gay trains hand*  I HAD TO FINISH MY SHOT 

 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** I WILL PUT A LEGO UNDER YOUR FOOT FOR YOU TO STEP ON IF YOU DON'T PRESS PLAY RIGHT TF NOW.

 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** JESUS CHRISTIE I AM RIGHT NOW

 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** YAY MORE GAY MOMENTS

 

 

 

**~0~**

 

**15 Episodes later......**

 

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** okay.... WHY TF IS THERE A TAMPON IN MY SOCK AND WHY ARE YOU ALL DRUNK AND CRYING ABOUT SHERLOCK?!

 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** Rd te gc

 

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** TF? 

 

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:** READ THE FUCKING GC BONES

 

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** sHIT 

 

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** HOW DO I CATCH UP ON THE SHOTS?!

 

 

 

 


	14. THE GAYS AT DISNEY WORLD 2K248 And A Special Someone Comes Home Pt.5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOOOOOO UMMMMMM I HAVE A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO I'M SURE.....
> 
> So, during my first couple years at Uni I was able to get my class load done a lot easier, but, when your're majoring in pre-law shit hits the fan since I'm planning to come back over to Harvard, Yale, or Columbia to get my law degree but to do that I need to make a fucking perfect score on the LSAT. I did have writers block with this fic and I started writing two other fics. One is called Sod Off and Hand Me My Sword which is also a group chat fic containing characters from the TV show Merlin which is basically King Arthur type stuff if you don't know the show very well. The second fic I created is back in the Star Trek AOS called Lose a Battle, Win the War, and, I will warn you, it is a very dark A/B/O fic based on the 2009 reboot movie. I kinda wanted to spread my wings and fly a little bit more and get into the characters minds a little more, which sound really weird I know, but I promise you it's not. You may also have noticed that I have changed my name, my explanation for that is in the notes of the newest chapter of Lose a Battle, Win The War and I hope you understand why I changed my name and the rules for that fic ARE included for my other fics including this one. I will be editing some of this story very soon because there are a few plot bunnies that I desperately need to fix. Thank you guys so so so much for your love and support and hopefully I can update this work as often as I can, but I cannot say that the updates will be frequent and on schedule so, bare with me. Now, lets get started!!

 

_You have entered the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** can we please watch more of spock's baby videos bc im dyingomg

 

 

**ihaveagayvulcan:** absolutely 

 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** NOT

 

 

**klingonqween:** BUT WHYYY SPOCKO?

 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** BECAUSE I SAID SO 

 

 

**prettyboy:** you forget im the captain ashaya so i can override your order

 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** babe we're not on the enterprise

 

 

**prettyboy:** iT DOESNT MATTER IM THE CAPTAIN SO KEPP WATCHING I WANNA SEE MORE 

 

 

**plantsandfencing:** all hail capten kerk 

 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** IM,,, WHEEZING 

 

 

**howcanubitchnow:** ALL HAIL CAPTEN KERK

 

 

**cheddarcheese:** JAMES,,IS,,YODELING,,

 

 

**imdrunk:** WE ALL ARE 

 

 

**marcusisaprick:** KERK IS THE WORD CAPTEN IS MY GAME

 

 

 

**prettyboy** _has changed their name to_ **captenkerk**

 

 

**captenkerk:** KERK IS THE WORD CAPTEN IS MY GAME 

 

 

 

**plantsandfencing:** YES

 

 

 

**boygenius:** WAIT SHIT ISNT THAT THE KHAN DUDE SELIK AND JAMES WERE TELLING US ABOUT EARLIER?

 

 

 

**ifuckgurls:** ye

 

 

 

**captenkerk:** IMMA GO TALK TO HIM

 

 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** wHAT

 

 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** JIM nO

 

 

 

**klingonqween:** WHY DOES HE NOT LISTEN TO US 

 

 

 

**marcusisaprick:** when does he ever ny-ny

 

 

 

**klingonqween:** shit u right

 

 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** he listens to me

 

 

 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** BULLSHIT

 

 

 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** fuck u right 

 

 

 

**plantsandfencing:** is khan FLIRTING WITH OUR CAPTEN?

 

 

 

**Imsofuckingdone:** OH HELL NO 

 

 

 

**cheddarcheese:** SHIT SPOCK'S GONNA FIGHT HIM

 

 

 

**howcanubitchnow:** THAT MY LITTLE BRO RIGHT THERE GO LITTLE BRO

 

 

 

**imdrunk:** SHIT HE NEEDS BACKUP THIS GUY'S STROGN AS SHIT

 

 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** did all of the vulcans just converge on khan to kick his ass?

 

 

 

**marcusisaprick:** ye

 

 

 

**captenkerk:** IM DED RN THAT'S MY HUBBY KICKING SOME ASS

 

 

 

**plantsandfencing:** jim you look really horny rn

 

 

 

**boygenius:** hikaru he's always like that around spock

 

 

 

**plantsandfencing:** shit u right

 

 

 

**captenkerk:** you know what i could say the same about you hikaru around pasha

 

 

 

**klingonqween:** shit u right 

 

 

 

**plantsandfencing:** u know what kerk

 

 

 

**captenkerk:** what

 

 

 

**plantsandfencing:** u wanna fight me

 

 

 

**captenkerk:** ill kick your ass

 

 

 

**plantsandfencing:** prove it boi

 

 

 

 

**hypowieldingmaniac:** ill call the nurse 

 

 

 

**madpersonwithawrench:** call like five

 

 

 

**klingonqween:** call the whole fucking hospital

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A (1) in my Inbox is all I need in life


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
> 
> Also, Gerita, I lied ;)
> 
> Kisses and Gay Panic,
> 
> MarchForOurGays <3

 

 

_You have entered the group_ **'FUCK STARFLEET'**

 

 

 **klingonqween:** Spock did you really have to break the guys nose 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** jfc for fuck's sake

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:**  he was flirting with my husband Nyota

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:**  yes i know people want to have coitus with my husband but they can't because he's MINE

 

 **klingonqween:**  fine then what about the other ones

 

 **pointyearedbastard:**  i wanted revenge

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:**  i was just there, plus i like to fight

 

 **plantsandfencing:**  Sarek is honestly a mood

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:**  im not happy with you sulu

 

 **plantsandfencing:**  the fuck did i do?

 

 **Imsofuckingdone:**  you tried to fight my husband

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** run sulu 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** gOTTA BLAST 

 

**captenkerk** _has changed_ **Imsofuckingdone's** _name to_ **possessivevulcan**

 

 

 **possessivevulcan:** that is surprisingly accurate

 

 **captenkerk:**   babe why do you think i changed it

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:**   can we just continue watching spock's baby videos 

 

 **posessivevulcan:**   nO THAT FOOTAGE IS FORBIDDEN TO ANY EYES 

 

 **cheddarcheese:**   sucks for u hehe

 

 **possessivevulcan:** oh FUCK OFF T'PRING

 

 **cheddarcheese:** MAKE ME DICKFACE

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** PLEASE STPO FICHITING I DONT WANT TO STITCH ANY MORE PEOPLE UP 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** this is really hot 

 

 **possessivevulcan:** STAY IN YOUR LANE SYBOK 

 

 **howcanubitchnow:** NEVER LITTLE BRO 

 

 **possessivevulcan:** I WILL FIGHT YOU

 

 **ihaveagayvulcan:** jim can you please go have sex with my son

 

 **boygenius:** please he looks horny 

 

 **captenkerk:** fine

 

 **ifuckgurls:** this is now my fav thing on this hell chat

 

 **Daddyjames:** excuse you i am an angel 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** um

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** UM 

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** BITCH YOU THOUGHT 

 

 **hypowieldingmaniac:** i can hear the roast hands rubbing together

 

 **cheddarcheese:** ROASTROASTROASTROASTROAST

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** nah, he's my hubby ill just deny him sex for a week

 

 **Daddyjames:** BETRAYAL

 

 **Daddyjames:** i want a divorce

 

 **pointyearedbastard:** sucks for you you're stuck with me t'hy'la 

 

 **Daddyjames:** FREE ME 

 

 **plantsandfencing:** wow jim your older self is even more dramatic than you

 

 **possessivevulcan:** run faster

 

 **plantsandfencing:** OH FUCK SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEE

 

 **boygenius:** lol nope

 

 **plantsandfencing:** BETRAYED

 

 **plantsandfencing:** BY MY OWN BOYFRIEND

 

 **boygenius:** fine ill help you if we get married

 

 **klingonqween:** nice move there pasha

 

 **ifuckgurls:** i love blackmail

 

 **plantsandfencing:** UGH FINE YES WE'LL GET MARRIED JUST COME HELP ME 

 

 **boygenius:** fine but you have to get me a ring 

 

 **madpersonwithawrench:** lol pasha is so petty

 

 **imdrunk:** i love it

 

 **cheddarcheese:** Hi, my name is Pavel Chekov! I'm a genius and the two things that are my specialty in order are 1) sucking dick and 2) being petty af

 

 **hypwieldingmaniac:** 100% Accurate Information Right There

 

 **captenkerk:** uh guys 

 

 **marcusisaprick:** yes my son?

 

 **captenkerk:** my water just broke

 

 **possessivevulcan:** wait WHAT?

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very evil aren't I?

**Author's Note:**

> KUDOS AND COMMENTS FEED THIS MESS OF A FIC AND IF YOU HAVE SUGGESTIONS SHARE THEM!!! ~CC

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [One Big, Gay, Crazy, Fucked Up, Deadly, Family](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8506750) by [Geritashipper123](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geritashipper123/pseuds/Geritashipper123)




End file.
